tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

** this afternoon i am heading to scott miller to get a haircut and hi-light.

** this makes me happy.

**i am slowly catching up on my bee blocks for this month.

**i love sewing on my new sewing machine.

** it is so quiet!

** i am knitting a baby sweater for my soon to be born nephew.

** well not soon, end of march.

** but his home will be in alaska.

** it is cold ALL the time there.

**i need some books to read over the holidays.

** suggestions?

** we booked our plane tickets this week.

** bean and i will be in santa fe for over three weeks.

**i made the family chocolate pecan pie this weekend.

** i put too much rum in it and didn't cook it long enough.

** this potential FAIL turned into an epic WIN.

**fresh wreaths made by ph boss are now in the etsy shop.

** you still have one week to use your coupon in the shop.

** coupon code is BLACK10

** come on, you know you want to.

** cooper came to visit yesterday.

** i felt this pair of eye watching me, looked up and he was sitting in the tree.

** watching me sew.

** we talked, i cried, he flew away.

** i miss him.

starting a tree tradition

Monday, November 29, 2010

growing up, we never out our christmas tree up until the 15th of december. i am not really sure why, that was the magical date, but it was magical. my brothers and i looked forward to the day when the frasier fir would arrive freshly cut from north carolina ( there were no tree farms in west texas. hell, there are hardly any trees, so we ordered our tree by mail). 

i never understood the need or desire to put your tree up as soon as the thanksgiving dishes were washed, but in recent years, travel has forced us to do just that. the last two years i have tried to get out of putting up a tree. i just haven't felt holidayish. since cooper died, i can not get into the holiday spirit until the 19th; but, ph has forced me into holiday cheer. 

we head to santa fe on dec. 19th, so it was now or never in the tree department. so this afternoon, the three of us embarked on what i am sure will become tradition, or at least i hope so, and went to cut down our christmas tree. bean wasnt sure what to make of it all. i promised him that in a few years this will be a magical moment. i can not wait to experience christmas through his eyes. i can imagine anything more magical or precious.

when do you decorate your christmas tree?

dear cooper

Saturday, November 27, 2010

my dear sweet precious cooper.

today you would have turned two years old. and i find myself wondering what you would have been like? this is not a new question for me to ponder, but as i watch your brother grow and change before my eyes, i find myself thinking about this more and more.

i like to think that you would have been more introverted, quiet and studious. i have no doubt that you would have been talking in paragraphs by now. you would have been happy to play by yourself, active but not a whirling dervish like your younger brother can be... boy is he active. you would be determined,  and strong, a fighter, you were that in your short life, so i am certain it would have stayed with you and served you well. your personality was just beginning to form when you were taken from us, and my heart aches to know what you would have been, could have been.

but then i get glimpses. like when you come to visit us. on thanksgiving you sat in the the magnolia tree very quiet, still and proud. once we made eye contact and you knew that i saw you and was ok, you flew away. you always know when to make an appearance, when i need to feel connected to you. it is in these moments that i know, there is life after death, that you and i will be connected forever, that you will always be my first born. but cooper, i miss you. and my heart hurts. and the hole that your death left aches. i am beginning to realize that it always will, that this journey lasts a lifetime. and sometimes, that knowledge is too much for me to bear.

and then i realize all that you have given me and i know that i must put one foot in front of the other. i must and that you are here with me every single step of the way. it is with that knowledge that i am able to move forward.

despite all the emotions that surround your short life, you remain the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. cooper, i will always be grateful for that gift.

i love you more than ever.
happy birthday my sweet precious cooper.
may you spread your wings and soar
on this cold november day.
i hope you stop by to say hello.

loving and missing you always

a moment

Friday, November 26, 2010


Thursday, November 25, 2010

even though cooper's birthday is still two days away, he is very much on my heart and mind. since he was born on thanksgiving, i tend to associate the day with his birth more so than the date on the calendar. it is grey and cold here, much like how i feel. i dont know how to explain the emotions associated with thanksgiving. it is happiness and sadness rolled into one big bundle of emotion.

but instead of telling you much my heart aches for cooper, how i can recall every detail of the day he was born and all that came after, or how the hole in my heart is still there, or how it makes me angry that people act like today is just a "normal" thanksgiving day now that we have chace, i am going to tell you what i am thankful for.....

** precious husband. he is my rock, my sanity and my heart.

** chace. he is the redemption and grace after the heartache. he is why i get out of bed each morning.

** cooper. he taught me how to love, to really love. i miss every minute of every day.

** friends old and new that i have met on this journey. you give me strength.

** this blog. it is a place where i make sense of the ramblings in my head.

**family. it is everything.

**fabric and yarn. it keeps me sane and obsessed at the same time.

** wine. at the end of the day i just need a glass of wine.

what are you thankful for?


Wednesday, November 24, 2010

if you missed lucends at the RMSC Holiday Bazaar
or if you live out of town.
you are in luck.

i am loading the remaining
of my inventory onto the
lucends etsy shop.

better still, i am offering
you dear readers
a coupon code.
from now until dec.7th 2010
enter BLACK10
and you will earn 10% off
your entire order.

all the inventory will be in
the shop by black friday.

so i hope you will take a look
give the gift of handmade
this holiday season.

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

** my crafting hangover is better today.

** although i am not ready to start sewing.

** but i am going to pick up my new sewing machine this afternoon.

** c gave me his cold.

**it takes forever to put stuff on etsy.

** a truly arduous process.

** "a" cant you just appear and photograph my stuff.

** please, pretty please.

** i need to work on plane tickets for our trip home.

** which will include a trip to austin.

** c knows how to operate peekaboo barn on my iphone.

** this frightens me.

** cooper's birthday is in 4 days.

** i find myself thinking alot about what he would have been like.

**december 19th can not come soon enough.

** i started knitting with the handspun cashmere i bought at purl.

** it is the softest yarn i have ever used.

** it is going to be a scarf for my mama.

** bean is awake and wants to be out of his crib.

craft hangover

Monday, November 22, 2010

i did not think it was possible, but i have a craft hangover.
a serious one.
so serious that i can not think about sewing
much less actually sew today.

i hope this hangover
doesn't last long.
i have bee blocks to make
quilts to put together
and holiday gifts to make.

but i am hungover.

overall, the show went well.
i sold 53 items
or 47% of my inventory.
the response to my work
was positive.

so, all in all a good experience.

i am working on listing
the remainder of my inventory
on etsy.
and should have a holiday shopping
treat for you all soon.

thanks for sticking
with me during my
sewing frenzy.
i am looking forward
to returning to
my regular blog/sewing routine.



Thursday, November 18, 2010

i have an obsession.
i have several obsessions.

my most recent
fabric hexagons.
which turned into
hexagon garland.

they will be for sale
this weekend
at the RMSC Holiday Bazaar.
if you live in the rochester area.
i do hope you will
pay us a visit.
we are in booth #611.

heavy heart

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

i was going to tell you about the show today, give you a sneak peak. but there is something more pressing. the sneak peak can wait.

dr and mrs j,

i don't really know you.
we have met once.
but i know about you
through my parents.

i know your pain.
how your heart
is broken into a million pieces.

i know the feeling
of not being able to breathe
because the pain
is too much to bear.

you wonder how you go on,
how you put one foot in
front of the other.

you wonder if your heart
will ever mend.
if life will ever be the same.

you think for a brief moment
that it would be easier
if you could go in a hole
and never come out.

that there is no way that
you can continue to live
with this pain,
this broken heart.

i know all of this.

but i am here to tell you.
that you while your heart
will never be the same.
you will find joy again.

you never get over
losing your child.
it leaves a hole
in your heart
that is incapable of closing.

but it will mend.

people will say
the most awful things,
because they don't know
what to say.
you are living
their worst nightmare.

but you will continue
to live.

grief comes in waves.
at inconvenient times,
in the most public places.
and when you think you
can not take it anymore
you will be able to breathe.

and you will find peace.

the road ahead of you
is not easy.
it is difficult and it is long.
and i am pretty sure
it lasts a lifetime.

but with the support
of family and friends
and most importantly
each other
your heart can mend.

i am so sorry
you are on this journey.
my heart aches for you.
i am here if you need

and i know that my cooper
has found your son
and that they are watching over
our families.

sending you love and peace


tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

** my hands are tired.

** but i am almost done.

** almost ready for the rmsc holiday bazaar this weekend.

** i can see the finish line.

** and i have surpassed the goal i set for my self.

** i have a few more things to sew and its all the little details.

** i will give you a sneak peak tomorrow.

** c goes for his 9 month check up tomorrow.

** anyone care to guess how much he weighs?

** we are having 5 guys for dinner.

** and greek pasta tomorrow night.

** in case you were curious.

** next week, after the show, i have 5 bee blocks to make before the end of the month.

** i am a little behind.

** i am also going to start a few knitting projects.

** can you believe next week is thanksgiving?

** yikes.

** we are having a few friends over the day after thanksgiving.

** i need to figure out what we are cooking.

** the weather forecast is lousy for the weekend.

** i hope this means lots of people will be at the show shopping.

** what i don't sell will go on the etsy shop.

** i think that is it for today.

dear chace

Sunday, November 14, 2010

dear chace.

you are celebrating your 9 month birthday with a monster cold, which you will most likely give to everyone in the house. thanks bean.

i can not believe that we are 3 months away from your first birthday. my how the time has flown.

you have grown leaps and bounds in the past month. you are crawling at a warp speed, pulling yourself up on anything you can find, taking baby steps, and talking non stop. you have mastered waving and clapping to your delight. you love showing off your skills. you are eating like a champ, but it seems that you might be a texture baby. you did however, love your papa's pancakes this morning.

i never thought that i, the self proclaimed introvert, would have such an extroverted child. but i do. you are happy, funny, thoughtful and engaged. you love to read books over and over and over. you dance often and have a laugh that i never grow tired of hearing. you are developing into your own little person and it is such a delight to watch.

this time of year is hard for me. i feel your brother's loss profoundly. i know that you feel it too, but can not identify what it is. i want you to know, that my sadness, the ache in my heart has nothing to do with you. you are our greatest gift, our greatest joy and bring such happiness to our house.

happy 9 months, chace.

i love you more than you will ever know.


a moment

Thursday, November 11, 2010

can you guess where this is?

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

** it is gray here.

** this does not help my mood.

** mom and had a great time in nyc.

** purl was awesome.

** i wanted it all.

** i can not believe that the holiday bazaar is next weekend.

** yikes!

** working as fast as i can.

** i just tried to feed chace some butter beans.

** not a fan.

** suggestions on food to give him that is not in a pureed form?

**my youngest brother and his wife are having a baby in april.

** they find out this week what they are having.

** i think it is a boy.

** so glad that the election is OVER.

** thats all i have.

** kinda grumpy today.

** and grey like the weather.


Monday, November 8, 2010

mom and i had a great time in nyc.
with the exception of the extra
40,000 people there to run the
NYC marathon.

we went to the new purl store.
it was heaven.
it was perfect.
it was inspiring
and it was crowded.

here is some of the loot
i could not live without.

handspun cashmere

echino oilcloth

chunky zippers

a moment

Thursday, November 4, 2010

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

** did you vote today?

** c and i voted this morning.

** i talked to him about the importance of civic duty.

** i believe that you can not criticize the system if you don't vote.

** yaya arrives on thursday.

** we are very excited about her visit.

** i made c baby food yesterday.

** i know, i said i wasn't going to do it.

** but meat in a jar creeps me out.

** so i made chicken and rice.

** he did not like it.

** he gagged in a very dramatic fashion.

** we will try it again another day.

** mom and i head to nyc on saturday.

** looking forward to some mom/daughter time.

** cant wait to visit the new purl store.

** the new jcrew catalog arrived today and well.... i want it all.

** the last two nights c has woken up every two hours.

** ouch.

** i think his top teeth are coming in.

** ouch.

** hope you had a good election tuesday.


Monday, November 1, 2010

it is no secret, or maybe it is, that i like to cook.
but i am not very good at creating my own culinary creations.
i have nightmares that i am on top chef
and tom colicchio is not kind at judge's table,
jolting me awake.
its true.

but there is one dish i make well,
and i happened to create it.
and i make it whenever i have company.
i made it for athena when she came to ny.

today, during one of our text conversations.
she mentioned that she was craving said dish.
this is for you, athena.
crave no more.

greek pasta

kalamata olives
diced tomatoes (fresh and canned)
feta cheese
white beans
penne pasta

1. saute garlic in olive oil until fragrant
2. add shrimp and saute until golden
3. i usually add white wine at this point for added flavor.
4. add canned and fresh tomatoes and simmer until tomatoes have broken down.
5. while tomatoes are simmering, cook pasta.
6. add olives, capers and beans to tomato mixture.
7. add feta and simmer until it melts.
8. pour sauces over the pasta and toss.
9. top with more feta.
10. more your self a glass of wine and enjoy.

what is your go to dish to make?