Wednesday, February 29, 2012

i have lived a number
of different places over my life.
some of them were brief stops
on my journey, others beckoned
me to stay longer.

i have lived in upstate new york
for the longest span of time,
in my adult life anyway.

there are times when
it feels like home
and other times it
is the most foreign place on the planet.

it is the place where i live
with ph and chace.
it is the place were have
we have a home.
it is the place where i
have built a life,

but is it home?
is it the place that comes to
mind when i hear the word home?

yes it is. but.

home is also the smell on pinion
burning in santa fe.
the amazing number of stars
in the night sky out west.

home is also the feeling
i get when i step off the plane in texas.
it is a place that  knows the depths of my soul.
there is something familiar and comforting
about the lone star state.

home is also the smell of salt
air blowing off the Mediterranean sea,
stepping of the boat and feeling the
dna settle in my bones.
greece is the place of ancestors
and i feel it every time in set foot on the island.

home is where i go when i need to feel settled.
home is where i go when i need comfort.
home is where i go when i feel restless in my current place.

where do you go for the feeling of home?
where is your home?

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

** chace fell asleep at 3

** after spending two hours of rolling around in his bed, talking and singing to himself.

** it feel like spring.

** ph said it smelled like spring this am.

** if it is not going to snow anymore, i would like it to warm up.

** the quilt i made for the montessori auction is finished.

** well, i have to sew the binding on.

** i love it!

** i hope that it brings in some cash and dollars for the school.

** i have applied for 3 shows: one in rochester, one in austin, and one in charlotte.

** if i get in, i have lots of sewing to do.

** today is not one of my better parenting days.

** chace came home from school very cranky.

** i am looking forward to yoga tonight.

** we are having tamales from santa fe tonight.

** ph drove them home.

** did you watch the academy awards?

** i thought that there were some great dresses on the red carpet.

** happy tuesday!

not ready, yet

Thursday, February 23, 2012

for the majority of my youth,
we did not live in the same
town as my grandparents, or any other relatives.
we saw them often enough,
but they were not right down the street.
having so much family in one place
is difficult for me.

there was a time when we lived
in the same town as my dad's parents.
i have memories of spending the night,
watching dukes of hazard,
charlies angels, and sleeping in
my beloved aunt molly's bed.

my age was 5 or 6 years old.
not two years old.

ph and i have had a running disagreement lately.
when is the appropriate time to let chace
spend the night away from home?
more specifically, at his grandmother's house.

not because, we are out of town
or sick or there is some kind of emergency.
the reason according to ph:
"is that is what grandkids do".

i do not agree with him.
i think there is no reason
for him to spend the night at two years old.
i am not saying never.
i am saying wait until he is old enough to
really enjoy all the spending
the night out  entails,
when he is old enough to look fondly
on that experience.

chace is much like me when
it comes to sleep.
i have a pretty good idea
that he is going to be the kind of kid
who wants to come home at 10pm.
i could be wrong, but i recognize the signs.

i have been thinking about
this a great deal lately.
trying to figure out i am so reluctant.
and the bottom line is i am not ready.
kids grow so fast, there will be a time when
chace can not wait to get out of our house.
i am in no hurry to have him spend the night out.

i know that i can not keep him little forever,
but i dont want to rush his growing up just yet.

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

** i love red licorice.

** eating it now with a diet coke as i type.

** chace is off of school this week.

** i ordered a table top photo light box kit so i can photograph lucends products.

** i am kinda excited about it.

** have i told you how much i love "the voice"?

** great show.

** i need to get my lucends business in order.

** i have been trying to finish up some other projects.

** like cleaning out the basement.

** i want to recover some of our lampshades.

** give them a little boost.

** the shrimp and grits i made last night for dinner was AWESOME!

** we need a new mattress.

** it kills my back.

** but it is not in the budget anytime soon.

**more yoga for me.

**i long to go to the beach, smell the salt air and sit in the sun.

** the grey is getting to me.

**i know mom, we should move to NC.

**off to sew a quilt top together.

** happy tuesday

official request

Monday, February 20, 2012

last week i spoke with jen
the cardiac social worker at strong
to catch up and see how many 
cooper birds she had left.

there are 25 left.
i can not believe that
we are down to the last 25.
she thought that they would last 
about a month and a half.

i have never been sure what 
i would do when we "offfically'"
ran out of birds.
but when she told me that we were
down to the last few, i knew
what i had to do.
make more!!

i made 7 one morning last 
week while chace was at school.
the birds are great way to use up my 
fabric scraps.

so this i my official request.
if you would like to help 
replenish the flock
i would greatly appreciate it.

these birds bring such comfort 
to families during a very difficult time.
i feel compelled to keep making them.

if you are interested in helping
email me and i will send you the 
knit bird pattern or the sewn bird pattern or both.
every bird counts and makes a difference.
so anyway you can help out would be appreciated.


final analysis

Friday, February 17, 2012

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish motives.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you.

If you spend years building, someone could destroy it overnight.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

In the final analysis, it is between you and god.

                                                              -mother theresa


Wednesday, February 15, 2012

** i laid out the blocks for a quilt that i have been working on for two years!

** i love it!

** i discovered that a friend of mine makes better cutouts than wegmans.

** this is life changing news.

** this friend and i are having a huge basement sale in two weeks.

** she is moving into a new house and i need to clean out my basement.

** we are having leftover king ranch chicken for dinner.

** i am applying to two craft shows  for the spring.

** one here and one in austin.

** nothing like a show to get me motivated to work.

** i nap too much.

** this is beginning to concern me.

** ph and i are going to watch justified tonight.

** swoon.

** i need to write thank you notes.

** i have a mani/pedi at scott miller tomorrow.

** kathy is going to be appalled by the state of my hands.

** we still have lots of leftover cake from the birthday circus.

** maybe we should have cake for dinner.

dear chace

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

my dear sweet chace,

happy 2nd birthday. you are officially a toddler, though you have been acting like one for the past few months.

i can not believe that you are two. i do not know where the time has gone. the day of your birth is still so clear in my mind and in so many ways it seems like yesterday that we were meeting you for the first time. there are a couple of things about that day that i will always be in awe over. you were born on valentine's day, the holiday of love, a holiday that is all about the heart. your brother was born on thanksgiving, so i could not believe that my second born also chose a holiday to enter the world. today is also congenital heart defect awareness day. you entered the world heart healthy, but seemed to recognize that there are those who do not have a healthy heart. finally, the same doctor delivered cooper, was on call and delivered you ( it should be noted that he was scheduled to deliver you 8 days later). the significance of the day was not lost on him.

in the last month your vocabulary skills have continued to improve. you are a little magpie and talk non stop, stringing words together to make a sentence. you can sing you abc's and count to 10. i am convinced that you have learned this from my iphone. you can identify a wide range of animals, your favorite being the coyote. you love hot wheels and can spend hours racing cars, good thing your father likes racing cars as well. your favorite food is oatmeal. you would eat it 3 times a day if we let you.

you continue to love school. we observed your classroom this month and were in awe to see you thrive in your learning environment. you were so proud to show us your work and all the things you were able to accomplish by yourself. you loved washing the windows.  we are working on potty training. you love getting a blue m&m when you use the potty. i say whatever works. you have moments when you flex you will, but i know that is age appropriate. it is in those moments that i see myself and have a better understanding of what i put my own mother through. i hope that having a strong sense of self will serve you well as you get older.

chace you are such a gift. you were born on a day that is all about the heart. your birth did so much to heal our hearts. each day with you is a gift and so it is appropriate that this day of love is also the day of your birth. there is not anyone or anything in this world that i love more than you.

happy birthday my sweet love.



Monday, February 13, 2012

winter has arrived.
this was the scene
in our front yard on sunday.
the final bits of the circus
blowing in the snow.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

today, ph and i
had the opportunity to
observe chace's montessori classroom.

one word:

i know and understand
the value of a montessori education.

i know that chace is learning an immense
amount in school, we see it translate
from the classroom to our house.

i know that chace is gaining self confidence
and moving toward more independence.
he uses the words; i do it, no, and mine alot.

but to sit in the classroom
and watch him take out work
and put it away when he was finished
was awe inspiring.

he was so immersed in his work
that he did not even notice we
were there for sometime.

the room was so quiet,
orderly, and comfortable.
each child was working independently
or with the directoress.

there were no meltdowns,
no tantrums,
no fights.
just 9 happy toddlers
immersed in learning.

ph and i were speechless
as we drove home.
processing all that we had
seen during our observation
and feeling very good about
our decision to begin chace's educational
journey with montessori.

new word

Monday, February 6, 2012

it seems that chace has a new word.

a word that he loves to use.
a word that he uses correctly.
a word that he put great emphasis on.
a word that he enunciates clear as a bell.

and a word that gives me great pause.


puffy frog eyes

Sunday, February 5, 2012

it has been along
time since i had
a crying meltdown.
so, i was due.

add the fact that
i am getting chace's cold
and feel horrible.

and you have a making
for a cry fest.

and the movie 50/50.

yesterday, i sent ph to the redbox
to get a movie
and he came home with 50/50.
i knew the premise,
but thought it was going to be funny.

it had funny moments.
but was not a funny movie.
ph fell asleep during the saddest part.
so there i am sitting on the couch
tears and snot running down my face.
once i got going it was hard to breath.

ph woke up at the end
(a happy part)
and just looked at me.

the trouble with these types
of movies is that they create
a snowball effect.

i start crying about the movie
and it quickly becomes about cooper.
the tapes start playing
and before i know it
i am in a full fledged meltdown.

i know is healthy.
i felt better this morning
with the exception of my cold.
and the simple fact that my eyes
were so swollen that i could not
get my contacts in my eyes until
after noon.

team swan or team granger

Thursday, February 2, 2012

last valentines day my mom
gave me a kindle.
mostly because i badgered
her into buying it for me.
(sorry mom)

i love my kindle.
i have read so much
over the past year.
i love to read,
but just didn't make time for it
or reserved it for traveling.

the kindle makes it easy.
makes it effortless.
and is great for traveling.

i have read alot of good books
since acquiring my beloved kindle.
but i noticed a theme.
there was always a child that died.


and it was not apparent until i was
too committed to the book to stop reading.

double ugh.

i needed to break that trend.
so when i was thinking about
what i wanted to read over the holidays
the twilight saga came to mind.

i will admit that i felt a a little
guilty about purchasing and
reading the books.
i am usually not a series
kind of girl, (but i have read
the chronicles of narnia
and the harry potter series multiple times)
so i gave it a go.

i have to be honest.
i don't get the vampire thing.
i did not fantasize about edward or jacob.
i wanted bella to pick jacob.
i liked the first 3 books.
the fourth book was just ridiculous.

speaking of bella.
she annoyed me.
she was completely ruled by her emotions.
she did not use her head at all
( yes i have made decisions based on emotions)
with the exception of when she was trying to save her daughter.
she was selfish and whiny.
she was mean and then begged forgiveness.
maybe bella was intelligent, but that trait
didn't appear until the end of the book.

it was in the final chapters where she understood
the love a mother has for  her child.
the primal urge to protect your child at all costs.
she truly understood the meaning of self- sacrifice,
that as a mother you have a duty to put your child above yourself,
no matter what.

that being said, i spent alot of time being
irritated at ms. bella swan.
it was only at the end of the book
where i would even think of declaring
myself on team swan.

up until that point i was team granger all the way.