happy halloween

Monday, October 31, 2011

a moment

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

** i am currently watching NCIS: Los Angeles.

** it is pouring rain here.

** we had a grand time with pappous.

** thankfully, yaya is here until monday.

** c calls uncle luke, "cuka."

** it's pretty cute.

** i have been uninspired to blog lately.

** i am wondering if my time as a blogger is winding down or i just need to take a break.

** things are falling into place for the mayday underground art and craft show on nov. 5th

** are you going to attend?

** i can not believe that november is right around the corner.

** there is snow in the forecast for the end of the week.

** why do i buy halloween candy that i like?

** c has a fall party at school tomorrow.

** ph and i have at attend our first parent teacher conference on thursday.

** i hope we get a good report.

** we bought a training potty today.

** now to start using it.

** have a great tuesday night.

it might be time

Sunday, October 23, 2011

this past week
i have noticed
that chace has been
pulling on his diaper.

yesterday, he looked at my dad
and said "i potty."
my dad then relayed
the information to me.

i put chace on the potty.
nothing happened.
i took him off.
less than five minutes later
he peed on the bathroom floor.

i think it might be
time to think about
potty training.
let the good times begin.

a moment

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

** the word of the day for chace, "tattoo".

** hmmm. wondering how he knows that word?

** we are having roasted chicken and fall vegetables for dinner.

** i love fall.

** i am sewing sewing sewing away.

** the count down is on for the mayday underground art and craft show nov. 5th.

** if you live in rochester, are you attending?

** you could start your holiday shopping early.

** mom and dad arrive friday.

** my brother, luke,  is making an appearance some time next week.

** we had a great afternoon at a local farm market with friends.

** chace went on his first hayride.

** it is hard to believe that he was only able to sit in the pumpkin patch last year.

** athena is coming to visit. athena is coming to visit.

** i can not wait!

** my 20th  high school reunion is in two weeks.

** i am not attending.

** 20 years is a long time.

** hope you had a good tuesday.

dear chace

Friday, October 14, 2011

my dear sweet chace,

today, marks your 20th month of life. while i write you letters on the 14th of every month, i hope you will some day understand that not a day goes by that i am so thankful for you, your life and the honor of being your parent.  there are some days that i am tired, that i am short on patience or i am not fully present, i apologize for that, this does not mean that i  love you any less. i really try to enjoy and savor each moment with you. it is one of your brothers lessons, that life is really short and that we can not take it for granted. we must live each moment to the fullest. by doing this, i am the best mama that i can be and i honor both you and your older brother.

you have settled into school and our new routine. you are thriving in the montessori environment and are soaking up every bit of your time there. next week we will attend the "children teach parent" night and i can not wait to see what you teach us.

your vocabulary expands daily. it is so much fun to see what words you discover each day. this week you started saying "pappous". this makes your grandfather very happy and you take such delight in saying that word. sometimes you break out in song,"pappous, pappous, pappous."

you have started eating at the dining room table. this please you and makes you feel very grown up. however, getting you to actually eat remains a daily challenge. your dad and i continue to spend many hours reading to you. if you are not outside, you prefer to be reading. your favorite books are the richard scary books which i attribute to your burgeoning vocabulary. you are particularly fond of the fox and raccoon in these books.

as you rapidly approach two, your will seems to strengthen. you can be very hard headed. in your defense, you come by it naturally. i do not know anyone who is more hard headed than your father and i. this has proved to create the ultimate battle of wills. at this stage of the game i can usually distract you and you forget what you were so focused on. i imagine that this will not work for ever and it is a little unfair. i am sure you catch on soon to my parental trick.

thankfully, my trickery does not have to be employed often. most of the time you are such a joy to be around. you warm my heart, make me laugh, make me proud, keep me in a constant state of amazement and we have a grand time spending time together.

i love you so much.


a moment

Thursday, October 13, 2011

fall festivities

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

one of the aspects i
love about living in
the northeast is the 
change of seasons.

growing up in west texas
we had seasons,
but often times they 
ran together into
one long season of hot.

my favorite is fall.
i love the way the clouds look.
i love the crisp breeze
and the smell of wet leaves.
i love apples picked right off the tree
and the abundant orange pumpkins
that seem to be everywhere.

this weekend we spent
some time as a family
enjoying the outdoors 
and all things fall.

you have to in these parts.
the snow flies early marking 
the beginning of our longest
season: winter.

and no i am not complaining.

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

** chace said "pappous" today.

** this caused me to call my dad at 7 am to tell him the news.

** i dont think he had his coffee yet.

**my labels arrived!

** i have 22 bags in various stages.

** hoping to sew all 22 bags together tomorrow.

** i volunteered to be on the wine tasting/ auction fundraising event for chace's school.

** we have our first meeting tomorrow night.

** if you left a comment about having a church group sew cooper birds will you please email me.

** pretty please?

**we are having turkey panini for dinner.

**ph smoked turkey on sunday and we thought this would be a great way to use the leftovers.

** chace was happy to be back at school after a 4 day weekend.

** he practically ran into the classroom.

**my mom's visit is getting closer.

** i am so excited.

** we are trying to convince my brother and dad to come up as well.

** this is not going very well.

** have a good evening.

** off to cook dinner.

for the good of food

Monday, October 10, 2011

we like food.
not just any food.
good food.
pure food.
simple food.
complicated food.
food full of flavor.

ok, we like most foods
with the exception of processed foods.

i meticulously plan out
the meals each week
carefully balancing flavors,
proteins and produce.

i don't buy cookies,
chips or junk food.
part of it is because i will eat it
and the other part is i don't
want chace to eat this type of food.

we eat this way, not because it
makes us better parents
or individuals.
it is choice we have made
for ourselves and our family.

this being said, 
eating this way can be expensive.
the majority of our grocery bill
is spent on produce.

saturday at yoga, 
i saw a flier for a csa

this option makes sense to me.
we get fresh produce
for 4 months during the winter.
it will cut down on our grocery bill.
we are helping local farmers.
and we are consuming good, healthy pure food.

for me this is a no brainer.
now i have to convince ph.

shift in perspective

Saturday, October 8, 2011

one of the hardest
aspects of cooper's death
for me to wrap my head around
is the fact that we were not there.

ph and i had stepped
out to get coffee
after checking in on cooper,
seeing the surgeon,
and getting the update
from his nurse.

everything was great.
i remember crying and
the surgeon said to me
"dont cry, he did great."

after some encouragement
we ventured down to get
coffee and make phone calls.
we were not gone long.

when we walked back onto
the floor, i noticed a team of people
around cooper's bed.
i said something to ph.
my brain had not caught up
with what my eyes were seeing.

ph saw them administering cpr.
they asked us to wait outside.
it was then that i realized
our road was going to get really bumpy
and later the road would cave in all together.

my brain will never forget
the sequence of events as they unfolded.
but my perspective is shifting with time.

i have always felt so guilty
that we were not there
when his heart stopped.

i wonder if he knew
what was happening.
did he feel alone?
was he scared?

intellectually, i know that
he was heavily medicated
and did not suffer.
but the heart of mother
can play tricks on the mind.

the lesson in yoga the other
night was about the road.
our own personal journey
and how as humans we sometimes
think we are on the wrong path, but
it is really the right one for us.

this changed my perspective.
things unfolded as they were destined
to unfold, as hard as that is for me to admit.
us, not being in the room
when cooper's heart stopped was a gift.

we did not have to hear the alarms
we did not have to see the heart monitor go flat.
we did not have to see or hear the stress on the team's voices.
we saw enough when we walked back in.
we have enough images and details of that day to last a lifetime.

my shift in how i view that detail of december 18th 2008
does not make my heart hurt less.
it does not make me love cooper any less.
it simply allows me to accept  i was exactly
where i needed to be.

a moment

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

** chace's new favorite food is nilla wafers.

** he doesnt seem to understand that they are not a food group.

** i thought they were a food group when i was little.

** athena and stella are coming to rochester in november.

** i can not wait to see stella and chace together.

** i am hoping to get her to take some family photos while she is here.

** chace needs a hair trim, again.

** my hair is not growing out fast enough.

** after the shows are over in november, i am going to sew cooper birds with my scraps.

** it is what feels right.

** feel free to knit or sew birds.

** i would also like to make some quilts over the winter.

** my new favorite song is "spirit of a storm" by kenny chesney.

** i booked my flight to austin for renegade craft fair.

** if you live in austin, or close to austin, i hope you will stop by.

** my flight only cost $10.00.

** i used miles for the ticket.

** nice feeling.

** happy tuesday everyone.

spirit of a storm

Monday, October 3, 2011

sunday mornings i
attend yoga at 10 am.
it is an open level class.
this means that is challenges me.
really challenges me.

it is taught by erica.
she taught my new to yoga series
and is well awesome.

she is an english teacher in her day job.
i connect with her teaching style.
its full of stories, quirkiness and lessons.

so sunday morning yoga is more than yoga.

this time of year is hard.
as much as i love fall,
it is hard for me.
the storms build
and i find myself trying to
manage them in various ways.

some days i am able weather them.
some days they get the best of me.
and some days the sun shines brightly.

they are part of who i am.
they are a part of my story.
they are the fabric of my life.

it stormed like crazy yesterday
which seemed to match my mood.
yoga was all about storms, breathing
through them and not being alone in the storm.

thank you sweet friend
for giving me a new place
to weather the storm.