greece bound

Sunday, August 19, 2012

we are off!
see you in three weeks!

and he can hear!

Friday, August 17, 2012

chace is feeling much better.
the doctor mentioned that his
hearing may be improved
because apparently there was a lot of fluid in his ears.

i have this feeling that
he was having a hard time hearing
because today he was very loud.
as if he was hearing his voice
for the first time in a long time.

i just hope he figures it out
before we get on the plane sunday.


Friday, August 10, 2012

one of the residual side effects
of losing a child is always thinking
something bad is going to happen.

let me explain....

chace has had ear troubles
for the last couple of weeks.
yesterday, i took him to see
the ENT.

he took one look in his ears
and said, "he needs tubes"
now, this was not a surprise to me.
but we are leaving in 9 days for greece.
and lets face it, tubes will make the
entire trip more enjoyable for all.
but the timing is not ideal.

when they said we will do surgery
on wednesday the 15th, there was this
awakening in the pit of my stomach.
a feeling of anxiety, fear and panic.

from an intellectual perspective,
i know that tubes are not a big deal.
its a simple procedure.
44 million sets of tubes are put in every year.
this is not life threatening.
this is not the same as open heart surgery.

but that feeling in my stomach
is not rational.
it is pure raw emotion.
it is my heart.
it is my soul.
it does not think.
it feels.

it remembers cooper.
the heartache.
the loss.
the pain.
the anger.
the darkness.
it says not again.
i can not go through that again.

the moments between now and next wednesday
will be a battle between my intellectual and emotional selves.
and believe me they will battle.
however, i do believe that acknowledging the conflict is
part of the grieving and healing process.
learning to tame the crazy emotions are the only way to move forward,
otherwise it would too easy to let them take over and give in to the darkness.

so i will try to breathe deeper.
to let the irrational thoughts go.
to not follow their storylines.
and focus on the rational thoughts.
knowing that in 9 short days
we will be in greece and all will be well.

tuesday tidbits

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

** happy tuesday.

** it feels like i havent written a tidbits post in a while.

** the lucends indiegogo campaign is closed.

** i exceed my goal.

** woohoo!

** thank you to all who helped out!

** i can not wait to share the website with you all!

** it will be ready the end of september.

**chace is at art camp this week.

** this is giving me some much needed work time.

** the artsy mamas show is august 16th

** atritst row at the public market is september september 16th.

** i am greece in between the two shows!

** i am so excited to return to greece.

** chace, my mom and i will head over two weeks before ph and my dad.

** i have loved watching the olympics.

** i am staying up way too late.

** that usa women's soccer game was something else yesterday.

** i am looking forward to the gold medal game on thursday.

** it has been very hot here.

** i am looking forward to fall.

** it is my favorite season.

**ok. i have to go pick up chace from camp.

** have a good one

** xoxo

reflection : a year of yoga

Thursday, August 2, 2012

it is hard to believe
that is has been a year since
i completed my new to yoga series.

i was skeptical when i signed up
and downright nervous when
i walked into the studio for
that first class.

but much to my surprise
i loved it and it has become
an important part of my life.

what do i love?

the messages
the sweat
the ability to have 75 minutes completely to myself
the strength i feel
the sense of calm and clarity it brings
the lessons it teaches
the friends i have made
the community
the mental challenge
the physical challenge
the emotional challenge
the heat

what have i learned?

to breathe deeply
to allow myself to be vulnerable
to be kind to myself
to trust myself
to be more patient with those around me
that my gut is usually right
that challenges are simply challenges.
that i am physically stronger than i give myself credit for
that i often think too much
that grief work continues even in the middle of half moon

i do not have a body that screams
i practice yoga, maybe one day i will
but i can do poses now
that i never dreamed i would be able to do.
i am stronger, much stronger
and my life is much fuller because
of this practice.