finally....

i created a bag that i love!

i hope you love it too.

you can find them in 

the shop.

the ideas are flowing
so more will be added weekly.

small percentages

i am not going to lie.....
it has been a rough week.
chace is sick.
really sick.

he went from a throw up bug.
(today is the first day
he has not thrown up
in 6 days).
to the croup.

thursday evening
3 hours after he went to bed.
he woke up with
this barky cough.

a sound i recognized
as the croup.
i knew this sound
only because my
youngest brother
always had the croup
when he was young.

we went to the dr yesterday
and she confirmed
what i knew.

so today i have been
wiping yellow snot rockets
rather than stinky throw up.

i am still standing.
but not without some tears.
it is hard to watch your
sick baby and not be able to do anything.
he seems so helpless and sad.
it makes my heart ache.

i just want him to return
to his happy, funny self.
so i can stop worrying.

you see, one of the residual
side effects of losing your child
is that you think that it is going to
happen again.

cooper's surgeon had a 98% success rate.
we were the small percentage.
i think that i am always
going to live in the land of
small percentages.

now, intellectually
i know that chace is going to be fine.

but it is in the dark of night
when i am holding him
trying to coax him back to sleep
when fear replaces rational thought.
when emotion takes over
and the tears fall.

i suppose it will get easier with time.
this is the first time in almost a year
that chace has been sick.
believe me,
it is not a side effect i enjoy.
but it is a part of life as i know it nonetheless.

so here is to hoping
for a night without fear, worry or tears.
and a few less snot rockets to wipe.

last one standing

i am the last one standing
in this house.
the only one
who has yet to throw their guts up.

i hope
to retain this title.
and not spend the
entire night hugging
the porcelain goddess.

wish me luck.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** we had an ok night.

** no more changing of the sheets.

** thank goodness.

** but chace was up alot.

** he did however, throw up his entire breakfast and lunch.

** on my lap.

** he is sleeping now.

** i am resisting the urge to throw up.

** i do not handle throw up well.

** i have 3 more blocks to make for my commission quilt.

** i am really pleased with how it is turning out.

** the temperature is in double digits today.

** working on some new quilted zipper bags.

** sometimes i hate that i am a perfectionist.

** it means i have alot of finished products that i do not know what to do with.

** because i think they are not "good enough" for the shop.

**i started knitting a pair of socks.

** i hate knitting socks.

** but i LOVE these.

** i am going to rest my eyes while chace is still napping.

currently

currently, on newberry ln
ph and i are listening,
watching and waiting.

waiting for the
sound of our sick baby.
poor bean has thrown up
5 times since he went to bed.

currently, we are on
our second load of laundry
this evening.

sheets, onesies, sleep sack,s
blankets and duckies have been washed
and dried.

oh, how i wish i hadn't
returned all those
sheets after my baby shower.

oh. how i wish i had more
than two crib sheets.
and three sleep sacks.
and 1 duckie.

oh, how we need one more duckie.

currently, we are hoping
that the throw up has subsided
and that there will be sleep
on newberry ln tonight.

chace is so tired.
he will feel much better
with sleep.


and so will his parents.

shaking......

last night we had dinner with alicia, aaron and riley.

riley is 14 months old

and is chace's buddy.

they had a grand time 

playing together.

and chace took the opportunity

to show off his

dancing skills.

keeping track

since the day chace was born
i have kept track of everything.
i mean everything.

poop diapers, wet diapers,
length of sleep,
number of naps,
how much he ate,
and what he ate.

i kept it all in my iphone.
in an app
called total baby.

it was my way of asserting
control.
control that does not exist
when you have a newborn.

i always dreamt
that i forgot to feed chace.
this was my way my making sure
i did not forget.

self validation of my
parenting skills.

during our time in santa fe
i stopped keeping track.

and guess what?
i did no forget to feed him
or change a dirty diaper.

i am not sure why i stopped keeping track.
maybe i feel more in control as a parent.
i know, however, that this is
a fleeting feeling
that will not last.

 eventually, i will be keeping track again.
of homework, play dates and sports practices.

but it feels good to not
be keeping track
at this moment.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** i am in charlotte nc until tomorrow night.

** i am here to help my little brother with his business, southend fieldhouse.

** actually, i am paid labor.

** but it is a win win.

** i have been up since 4 am.

** a little tired.

** i miss chace and ph already.

** but i am sure they are having a fun boys weekend.

** we have a new front door.

** the dogs can no longer see outside.

** this reduces the barking.

** yay for a new front door.

** i am busy working an all the details of chace's birthday party.

** i can not wait to show you all the details.

** can you believe that he is going to be 1?

** that is all i have this morning.

** maybe i will have more later.

1,2,3 winners

sorry it took me so long to draw the winners.
i spent alot of time at the sewing machine
this weekend.

and watching football.

so, the winners
were comments 1, 2 and 6.
this means faith, sunny gayle and kathleen
ALL win something handmade.

remember our deal?
you have to pay it forward
by either making something
or buying handmade for someone.

now, the winners need to email me their addresses
so that i can get their bit of handmade love
in the mail.

 you didnt win
and would like a bit of handmade
head over to lucends.

thanks for playing along.....

dear chace

dear chace.

today we took you the strong museum of play to celebrate your 11th month of life. you had a great time. i think you will like it more when you are little older. you were particularly fond of the salt water aquariums that were there. i think that you could have watched the fish for hours. your dad and i loved watching you, watch the fish, trying so hard to figure out how you could touch them.

in this past month you have grown so much. literally, your pants are floods and your long sleeve shirts are more like 3/4 sleeve shirts. you have perfected your crawl at warp speed. you are very efficient at cruising, and are working on your balance. you can say "mama and dada" and understand the word "no". when we tell you "no" you just shake your head and smile. you want to walk and talk, and you are frustrated because you are not quite there yet.

you are an excellent traveller and handled your first ear infection with flying colors. everyone who met you over christmas, was well, smitten with you. your love for all things technologically related has not waned. if you see my iphone, you want it and you think the computer is yours, and yours alone. you are not interested in tv so much. perhaps that is because the only think we let you watch is sports and the news.

you still love to read and are beginning to pick out which books you would like read to you. you almost have 6 teeth. this is helping you out in the food department. you are beginning to eat more "adult" food, however, puffs remain your favorite food and mandarin oranges are a close second.

chace, you are the sweetest baby i know. you love to gives hugs and kisses. i hope you stay this way forever ( although i know you won't).

happy 11 month sweet boy!

love you forever and ever
mama

a moment

pay it forward

i do not facebook.
although, i am thinking about it
for the lucends shop.

since i do not facebook
i missed the handmade pay it forward
that was going around the last week.

thankfully, i have friends
who facebook and blog.
and blog about facebook happenings.

here is the gist.
leave a comment here by midnight
on friday 1/14/2011.
and i will pick 3 winners.
yes, i said 3 winners at random.

if you win you will
receive something handmade by me.
if you win you have to pay it forward.
you have to make or buy handmade
for someone.

it can me random.
it can be planned.
it can be blogged.
and it can even be facebooked.
( is that a word?)

i do hope you will play along.

tuesday tidbits

** i just listed some new items in the etsy shop. 

** i am really excited about them and will be adding more soon.

** i am starting on a quilt commission today.

** it is going to be super cute!

** i have had a headache for the past several days.

** it comes on at the same time every day.

** i am kinda over it.

** another season of college football is over.

** this makes me sad.

** i will hold my deep depression until after the super bowl.

**chace has started making this new noise.

** he sounds like a terradactyl.

** i am glad that i came home from my parents last week instead of today.

** if i had waited, i would be stuck in atlanta.

** i need to get my tattoo touched up.

** it is fading.

** still sleepless here.....

sleepless nights

we have returned to sleepless nights here on newberry lane and it is painful. it started while we were away over the holidays. ph and i were sharing a room with chace, so i do not know if it was being in the same room, in a strange bed or having an ear infection that started the cycle. perhaps it was all three, but in an attempt to allow some of the house sleep we did whatever we could to get him back asleep. my thinking was that it would sort itself out when we got home. we rocked, we slept holding him, we fed him, whatever it took to encourage sleep.

well, we are home and i am here to tell you it has not sorted itself out. it is better, but we are still up at least once a night. doing what? eating of course. i know that "they" say not to feed once your child can sleep through the night. BUT my kid doesn't eat if he is not hungry, and he is scarfing down his bottle. so he must be hungry. i don't have the heart to let him cry it out at 2 am. how can i leave the room when he is sitting in bed, reaching for me through tears and snot, saying "mama, mama, mama" over and over. if i feed him he eats, goes back to bed and sleeps until 7:30 or 8.

it will work itself out, in time and i am sure that he will return to sleeping through the night, only to have that cycle disrupted by a new tooth. i know that this too will pass, but it sure is rough on the parents.

a few favorites

here are some of my favorite photos from christmas.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** today is our last day in santa fe.

** we leave early in the morning.

** i am hoping delta and i get along this time around.

** we have had a fantastic visit.

** but i am looking forward to being home.

** i miss our dogs.

** chace has had a growth spurt while we have been here.

** all of this shirts are too short in the sleeves.

** he is growing like a weed.

** i hope that he returns to his regular sleeping schedule.

** he has not slept through the night since we have been here.

** this makes for a very tired mom and dad.

** i am anxious to start sewing.

** we are returning home with 4 suitcases.

** yes, i said four.

**happy tuesday.

in this year

i am not one for making resolutions, but there are some goals i have set for myself, things i want to accomplish, areas in which i want to improve.

so in this year...

i hope to be more thoughtful.

i hope to be little more patient.

i hope to be inspired creatively.

i hope to build my lucends store/brand.

i hope to take creative risk.

i hope to continue to mend my heart.

i hope my journey through grief can helps those who are beginning the journey.

i hope to be a "present" mother.

i hope to be a better friend, to write and call more often.

i hope to slow down, and not go through my days at a warp speed.

i hope live and love life to the fullest.

what are your hopes for 2011?