time

time flies by.
time stands still.
time heals all wounds.
i need more time.
all i have is time.
take your time.
time marches on.

these phrases we use
and hear every single day.
and it has got me thinking about time
and what it means to me.

when i went to vote on tuesday
it was heavy on my mind.
the last presidential election
i was very pregnant with cooper.
i was counting down the days
till his arrival.

i want time to speed up
because i was tired of being pregnant
and wanted to meet my son.
i wanted to time to slow down
because i wanted to enjoy doing nothing
but knitting and watching law and order.

when he was born and we learned of
his heart defect i wanted time to stop.
i knew somewhere in my heart,
in my soul that my time with him
would be limited.

after his death, i heard
"time will heal your heart"
or "give it time, it will get easier"
my heart hasn't healed,
but it is not so raw all the time.
there is a scar over my wounded heart
that sometimes is ripped off.
but when the scar is there, the loss
is easier to live with...

early on i counted his absence in
minutes, hours and days.
i am still aware of those things
but it does not dictate my day.
i am acutely aware of it as we approach
his birthday and anniversary of his death.
but i think that is normal.

you see, i have learned this about time.
it waits for no one.
i have a choice
i can focus on time lost,
not having enough time,
or wishing time would move faster
or i can live in THIS moment.
enjoying every second, minute and hour
that i have today, with chace,
ph, my family and friends.

because the only way to really grasp time
is to fully live it.