the whole is the goal

the whole is the goal.
that was the message
monday night during yoga.
these 5 words have been
bouncing around in my head, ever since.

i have been trying to make sense of it
figure out what it means for me.
i dont have an answer
i dont have an explantation.
but this is what i have figured out.

there are times when life
feels so fragmented, compartmentalized.
as if the only way to get through each day.
is to check off the to do lists.
 it can be easy to lose track of the bigger picture.
the importance of living life to the fullest.

there are times when i feel so broken.
my heart damaged beyond repair.
as if the pain is never going to  stop
and the wound will never heal.

and then there are moments when everything feels as if it should.
when i hear chace say "i love you mama"
or when i see chace's face light up when he sees his daddy.
when we are together in the midst of a family hug.
nothing else matters. life is complete.

life will never be whole, until
we are no longer on this earth.
because if life were full or whole or complete
all the time, there would be
no reason to make ourselves or our world better.

sometimes we are lucky enough
to have moments when we feel whole
and when those moments fade
we seek to find the balance
so that wholeness can be felt again.

after all, the whole is the goal.