swaddling, poop and sleep.

this is what i have learned in the last 2 weeks since the bean's arrival.

**i suck at swaddling. i mean really suck at it. i think i have a good swaddle going and within minutes of picking the bean up, he manages to free his arms out the top, expose his feet and have the blanket in a basic wad around his neck. and the thing is, he really likes to be swaddled. but when he is cranky forget about it. its a lost cause. fortunately, precious husband is pretty darn good at swaddling. unfortunately, he will have to go back to work soon which leaves me wrestling with the bean and the swaddle blanket.

**i have never had so much conversation center around poop. whose poop you may ask? well mine and the bean's. conversation stems around when was the last time either one of us pooped. and every time we change a diaper, there is disappointment that it is only a wet one. seems he takes after his mama and is not as regular as some. i called the dr yesterday because i was concerned that he was only pooping once a day. the nurse asked me in this calm voice, "well, have you tried stimulation with a thermometer and vaseline?" "no" i replied. thinking to myself , how in the hell would i know to do that? she explained what to do in a very matter of fact voice, answered some more of my questions and sent me on my way. we will be exploring this subject more in depth on monday when we visit the pediatrician.

**sleep, what sleep? i am so tired and miss my sleep. and the sad thing is my parents are here to help, how tired am i going to be when they leave. i am one of those people who loves sleep. when i was little i could never go to a sleepover, because i would inevitably get sick because i stayed up all night. back to my current state of sleepless, this morning after precious husband fed the bean around 3 am and put him back in his hammock (he is sleeping in this brilliant contraption next to our bed) i kept my back to him, thinking if i don't look at him he wont wake up. it worked, he slept until 5:30. but i do miss my sleep.......ahhh, motherhood.

i wonder what i will learn next week....

a stag leaps

my dad and i share a love of red wine. he has a wine collection that i envy. he can afford to collect wine. i can not. we both love wine from stag's leap vineyard in california. he has a couple of bottles of stag's leap from 1996 and 1997 which were particularly good years and produced some very fine vintages.

he has been saving them for a very special occasion, namely when the novel he is writing gets published. whenever i return to santa fe, i always look to see if the stags leap is still part of the collection. it is part of my coming home routine, seeing those bottles in the collection makes everything right with the world. i guess i always thought that he would drink at least one bottle with me.

well, he totally surprised me and brought one of his beloved bottles of stags leap in his suitcase. and tonight we are having braised short ribs, roasted potatoes, salad and a glass of stags leap to celebrate the birth of the bean, family both near and far, and those who are no longer with us.

it is perfect way to spend a cold snowy evening.

tuesday tidbits

** the bean continues to steal my heart everyday.

** i am looking forward to getting me cooper tattoo soon. i have had it designed for some time.

** my mom and i ran a few errands today so i could get out to smell the people.

** the bean has his appointment with the cardiologist next friday. there is no cause for alarm, this a purely for our peace of mind.

** we are expecting a big storm this week.

** check out my new design collaboration. they would make the perfect shower gift!

** my mom and i are going to do a little sewing tomorrow.

** my emotions are still all over the place. i keep telling myself that this is normal.

** i am enjoying being bale to have both coffee and wine again.

** now, that i am no longer pregnant, i don't constantly crave orange juice.

** i find this odd.

** i am really glad my parents are here. they are a HUGE help and i will miss them when they go home.

** the dogs seem to be taking the bean's arrival in stride. thank goodness.

** i am glad that ice dancing is over, the costumes were way too much for me.

familiar yet different

i have been trying to gather my thoughts for this post for the last couple of days. i am not sure if they are crystal clear, but i needed to get them out of my head.

so here we go.

i was unprepared for the emotional roller coaster than accompanies having a baby. when you couple those emotions with what we experienced over the last year, well you have the makings of an emotional train wreck. i know, hormones can bring on the tears like lake ontario can bring on the snow, that what i am feeling is normal. but it makes me feel like i am losing my mind.

i dont remember being this emotional with cooper. i was emotional, but i had a reason to be, my baby was facing open heart surgery. the bean is perfectly healthy. but yet i seem to cry for no real reason. dont get me wrong, i am over the moon about the bean. we are a family. i fall more in love with his sweet face, funny personality, little fingers and noises every day. but there are moments when my heart aches like it hasn't in a long time. there are times when i look at him, and all i see is cooper and i grieve for him all over again. or when i feel guilty for loving him as much as cooper, that somehow i am betraying my first born. oh, what a mother's heart can feel. i know that the bean is cooper's way of helping us heal and mend. that he knows how much i love him and that wont change. i also know that these emotions are part of my healing and journey. but it is harder than i imagined.

i remember being sore after my c-section with cooper, but not this slow to recover. then i remember that i have had my gut slashed open twice in the last 15 months, i should be sore.

i have come to the conclusion that i was in shock after cooper was born and functioned on adrenaline, therefore i don't remember emotions or pain. and that postpartum hormones really suck.

in love

a gift from greece

yesterday the bean received his first piece of mail and it came all the way from greece. our dear friends and the bean's greek godparents, costas and aglaia, had this quilt made for the bean. i think it is just fabulous. i love all the little modern houses, to me they represent family. and with the bean's arrival our family is now complete the colors are just perfect for his room, and i know exactly where we are going to hang it.

thank you costas and agalia, we cant wait for you to meet the bean this summer!

settling in

we are home and settling in to life with a newborn.

we continue to fall more in love with the bean.

we think he is just perfect.

we are trying to figure out his little personality, although for being so small, his personality is quite large.

we hope you understand if the postings are less frequent for the next couple of weeks, as we settle into parent hood.

and

we hope that pictures will suffice for words.

tuesday tidbits

** we are still at the hospital. thankfully, we are being discharged tomorrow.

** i am ready to be home.

** i heart ambien. i slept like a baby last night.

** chace is perfect. i cant stop kissing his sweet little face.

** you can tell that he and cooper are brothers, but they have their own very distinct characteristics and personalities.

** my emotions are a little out of whack and all over the place. i guess that is to be expected.

** i forgot how sore you are after a c-section. i feel like i have been beat with a baseball bat. thank goodness for pain medication.

** my parents get in this afternoon and will be here for about 2 weeks.

** i did bake cookies on sunday, just didnt get around to posting about it. here is the recipe if you are interested.

** precious husband and i watching the westminster dog show, while chace sleeps in his dad's arms.

** my mom and i went to the westminster dog show 2 years ago.

**thank you for all your comments, emails, and well wishes.

meet the bean

meet chace wallace snyder gerenski. our sweet valentine's baby who made his grand entrance yesterday at 5:57 pm. weighing in at 7 lbs 8 oz and measuring 19.75 inches long.

we are all doing well and will be here at the hospital until wednesday morning.

more to come....

the beans room..the details

here are the final decorating details of the bean's room. some items were gifts, some items i made, and some items were cooper's that we wanted the bean to have. i ordered fabric to match the bedding to make curtains and a pillow for the rocking chair. and no, i did not knit the car, santa left that under the xmas tree for the bean.

a quilt for the bean

i cant wait to see the bean loving his new quilt. i am very happy with the way it turned out. its a little bigger than a typical "baby" quilt. its 60x60, but he will be able to use it for a long time.

11 more days

show and tell

amy butler "love" fabric and anna maria horner "little folks" fabric. don't know what i am going to make but just HAD to have it.

fabric from scarlet fig. i couldn't resist the donkeys wearing wellies.

the beginning of luke's quilt. 3 string blocks down, 37 more to go. it's a labor of love.

my newest hat design, dimples. made with 100% pure cashmere. hat and pattern will soon be in etsy shop.

tuesday tidbits

** it is very hard to type with one finger wrapped in a huge wad of gauze and tape.

** i was very stupid and tried to put a new rotary blade on my rotary cutter without it being in the off position.

** fingers bleed alot.

** i only have one more pre-natal appointment before the bean is born. i cant tell you how happy this makes me.

** i did not gain any weight from last week's appointment to this week's appointment.

** this too makes me very happy.

** last week i did, however, hit the 30 pound mark.

** i started a new quilt yesterday. this one is for my brother.

** he requested a queen size quilt in black and white.

** i am trying a new technique. i think it will be really hip and modern, but it is going to be labor intensive.

** the new floors are in and they look great.

** precious husband worked very hard.

** i wanted the colts to win the superbowl, but i loved the picture of drew brees and his son. priceless.

** i thought the ads were very sexist this year. this bothered me.

sunday baking

sour cream sugar cookies, that will change your life, is that the recipe says. well, i was intrigued. i love sugar cookies, in particular cut outs from wegmans with lots of frosting. they are divine. so i thought i would give this recipe a try.

they are good, but they are not life changing good. i will say that i did not frost them, maybe i should have, maybe i will. i ran out of steam, my pregnant body would not let me stand any longer. precious husband said that he liked them fine without frosting. so naked they will remain. maybe its the frosting that makes them life changing, but i will have to wait until i am no longer pregnant to find out.

i did learn one important baking lesson this week. when baking soda loses its power, you end up with flat cookies. precious husband and i were talking about how despite the fact that the cookies i have made over the last few weeks have been good, they have been very flat, which leads to crispy cookies. the only thing that was the same in all the cookies was the baking soda, which led us to believe that it was past its prime. i have this app on my iphone, called still tasty, which tells you the shelf life of stuff. its fantastic. i looked it up and sure enough, baking soda after opened is only good for 6 months. i am quite certain that the baking soda i had been using was older than 6 months. so i bought new baking soda this week, and today's baking adventure produced very fluffy cookies.

who knew?

the beans room..the closet

i don't think this needs much explanation. the bean has an obscene amount of clothing. he takes after his mother and his pappous ( this is the greek word for grandfather, which is what we are calling my dad, just an fyi) . i will say that i have looked far and wide, thanks to the internet, to find clothes for him that are unique, different and donut scream baby.

this day

for some reason, this morning i went into the lucends archives and reread what i wrote in the month of february. i wrote this, on this day last year.

it was hard to read. the pain and sadness we were feeling was palpable. heart ache seeped off every word. those were dark days. i thought that the pain would never subside. i cried most days, and despite being surround by the sun, sand and sea i was very wounded.

i can remember asking precious husband over and over "promise me we will have another baby." i knew even then that another baby would not replace the loss of cooper, nor would it heal my heart or take away the pain. but i needed hope, a reason to put one foot in front of the other.

little did i know at the time i wrote that post, that we would be 2 weeks (or less) away from having a baby, a little brother for cooper. its hard for me to believe sometimes, all that has transpired over the last year or so, the journey i have been on. cooper has been on my mind alot lately, and i feel him watching over us. as i have said many times, the hole that is left in your heart after losing a child, does not completely heal but it does mend.

i cant tell you how excited i am to meet cooper's little brother.

siblings

i am the oldest of 3 children. i am the only girl. there are 3 years between luke and i. and 5 years between sam and i. we are all very different and have taken different life paths. for the most part we get along. sure we have our sibling squabbles, rivalries, and revert to our childhood roles when we are all together, but when it comes down to it we are each other's biggest fan. i think that we are lucky.

my relationship with each brother is very different. one is not better than the other. one is not stronger than the other. each one is just different. there are no favorites, but i am the favorite sister. they have been an enormous support for me over the past year, stepping up to the plate and proving that nothing is more important than family.

in recent months, both brothers have talked to me on separate occasions about blogging. should they start a blog? what platform should they use? what do i write? who do i write to? advertise or not? after their own research on the subject, i am happy to say that they both are now part of the blogging family. their blogs are very different from mine and are very specific to who they are, the path they are on and what they are passionate about.

luke's blog is chronicling his journey to answer the question "what do you do?" as he embarks on the path as small business owner. and sam's blog is about fly fishing, a pastime that he is passionate about and used as the basis of his phd dissertation.

their respective blogs may not be your thing, thats ok. i want to share my siblings with you because i am very proud of both of them and the grownups they have become.

crazy for pizza

i think i have said this before, but precious husband loves pizza. seriously, he would eat it every night if i let him. he never grows tired of it. tuesday is pizza night in our house. precious husband gets his pizza and i get a night off from cooking. b loves pizza as much as precious husband. and he knows what tuesday night is and will steal your pizza if you are not watching.

since our house is still all out of sorts, we had pizza in bed last night, while watching a little tv.

i took a moment to document b's quest for the crust, which ended in victory, as it does every tuesday night.

tuesday tidbits

** currently our house is all out of sorts. nothing is in the right place. our new flooring for the living room finally came a month after we ordered it.

** precious husband is in the process of ripping up the old carpet and preparing to lay the new floor.

** of course nothing is easy.

**and i dont do well when things are out of place.

**i am reading the best book i have read in a long time. " the girl with the dragon tattoo". i cant put it down. must finish.

** read it, you wont be disappointed.

**i designed a new hat pattern based on a knitting stitch called "quilted stockinette."

** it is in the etsy shop. currently working on second hat.

** you should meet my friend athena. she designed a hat for the bean. her post made me teary eyed this morning.

** heather ross has a follow up collection to far far away, coming out this spring.

** i want a yard of each fabric. need to start saving my pennies.

**have a quilt design formulating in my head for my brother.

** and a big happy birthday to sheffy. xo

destashing

since i seem to be in full nesting mode, i decided to go through my yarn stash, believe me i have quite a stash, and have a little sale. some of this yarn is left over from my yarn shop days, some of it i bought thinking i would use it. you know how that is. but i have come to terms with the fact that this yarn is not going to be knit with my hands, and should go to a home where it will be loved and appreciated.

if you are interested in any of this yarn, email me and i will send you an invoice via paypal. i have included all the yarn stats beneath each picture. prices include shipping. sales are on a first come first serve basis. prices are for number of skeins offered as a group, not per skein. happy yarning.

SOLD***manos del uruaguay kettle dyed wool. 138 yards per skein. 14 to 18 stitches to 4 inches. needle size 8-10. color 30. 2 skeins available. retail price $13.00 per skein. your price $15.00

manos del uruaguay kettle dyed wool. 138 yards per skein. 14 to 18 stitches to 4 inches. needle size 8-10. color 14. 2 skeins available. retail price $13.00 per skein. your price $15.00

malabrigo worsted wool yarn. 216 yards. 4-5 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 7-9. color brown. 1 skein available. retail price $10.50 per skein. your price $5.00

SOLD****blue sky alpacas suri merino. 164 yards. 5-6 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 5-7. color 423, 413 and 410. 1 skein of each color available. retails for $16.00 per skein. your price $20.00

SOLD****blue sky alpacas dyed cotton. 150 yards. 4-5 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 7-9. color 627 and 615. 1 skein of each available. retail price $9.50 per skein. your price $10.00

suss yarns old fashioned. 70% merino and 30% cotton. 100 yards. 4-5 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 8-10. color grey. 10 skeins available. retail price $10.50 per skein. your price $40.00.

suss yarn brushed alpaca. 100% alpaca. 50 yards. 3 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 9-11. color ecru. 16 skeins available. retail price $17.50 per skein. your price $75.oo

SOLD***fable handknit pure baby alpaca. 145 yards. 22 stitches to 4 inches. needle size 7. color grey.9 skeins available. your price $ 35.00

SOLD****solstice by classic elite yarns. 70% organic cotton, 30% wool. 100 yards. 4-5 stitches to 1 inch. needle size 7-8. color ecru. retail price $6.00 per skein. your price $10.00.