this day

for some reason, this morning i went into the lucends archives and reread what i wrote in the month of february. i wrote this, on this day last year.

it was hard to read. the pain and sadness we were feeling was palpable. heart ache seeped off every word. those were dark days. i thought that the pain would never subside. i cried most days, and despite being surround by the sun, sand and sea i was very wounded.

i can remember asking precious husband over and over "promise me we will have another baby." i knew even then that another baby would not replace the loss of cooper, nor would it heal my heart or take away the pain. but i needed hope, a reason to put one foot in front of the other.

little did i know at the time i wrote that post, that we would be 2 weeks (or less) away from having a baby, a little brother for cooper. its hard for me to believe sometimes, all that has transpired over the last year or so, the journey i have been on. cooper has been on my mind alot lately, and i feel him watching over us. as i have said many times, the hole that is left in your heart after losing a child, does not completely heal but it does mend.

i cant tell you how excited i am to meet cooper's little brother.