precious husband

he is known as ph on this blog.

and precious husband fits him perfectly.

he is my rock,

my salvation,

my best friend.

we were newly married

when cooper died.

just shy of our first 

anniversary.

our marriage had not been tested.

and was it about to 

be pushed to the brink.

i can vividly remember 

being in the room with 

cooper, saying our goodbyes

and thinking to myself.

"i just lost my son, 

i am not going to lose my husband too."

his love saved me during that time

and it continues to save me each and every day.

he is my biggest supporter.

he accepts my quirks

( and i have alot of them)

he encourages me to take time for me.

and doesn't criticize my fabric stash.

he is an incredible father.

chace is lucky to have him

as a role model.

i never thought i would

find someone who could love 

me so unconditionally.

(ok, let's be honest, 

i didn't think i deserved 

to have someone love me.)

i thank my lucky stars 

each and every day.

i feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

and i just wanted to share that with you.

year 3

i like
who we are
when
we are
around
us.

happy anniversary love!
i love you more than words can say!

hard work, hard business

funny thing

a funny thing happens along the course of parenthood. the ability to tune out one's child. to go in a zone. to pretend you are asleep. or you don't hear him screaming. funny thing.

those first weeks of parenthood i jumped at every little sound chace made. now i know the difference between i am just making noise, i am mad, i am hurt, i am hungry and get me the hell out of this crib. funny thing.

chace has been waking up a several points during the night. we have been working on letting him get his little self back to sleep. he thinks he needs to eat. as a wise momma, i know he does not ALWAYS need to eat. funny thing.

last night he woke up at 11. i went in gave him his pacifier, patted him on the back and said goodnight. he did not want to go back to sleep. funny thing.

i tuned him out. then heard ph go in there and do the same thing. then he said to me "its only 11:30." "do not feed him" was my reply. funny thing.

chace continues to make noise over the monitor. by 12 it was a full on scream. we both knew he was not going back to sleep. ph was lying very very still. heavy breathing. i knew he was awake. funny thing.

but i got up and went to chace. it had been an hour and if i wanted to sleep i needed to feed the child. funny thing.

i went downstairs, made a bottle, and watched my son suck it down like he had never eaten before in this life. then he promptly went to sleep. funny thing.

i went back to bed. "how did you do that?" ph asked. "fed him" i mumbled. " how much?" he pondered. "8.5 oz." i mumbled again. ph then says "you should have woken me up. i would have fed him." funny thing.

a new toy for ph

one of the things we love about kea, greece is that the beaches are not crowded. it is not unusual to have an entire beach to yourself. or at least that used to be the case. as more and more people discover the island, more athenians buy second homes and the greek government continues to pave the roads, the beaches are becoming more populated. and lets be honest, who wants to share a beach in the Mediterranean with complete strangers.

but there are a number of beaches that can only be reached by boat. last summer we were all sitting on the beach talking about how great it would be to have a boat to go to these off the beaten path slices of heaven. of course, i was thinking how great it would be to rent a yacht and sail around. i don't think this is what my dad had in mind, so i will live out that dream in my head.

ph came home and started researching inflatable sea kayaks. after much searching he bought one. it seats two people, is coast guard approved and only weighs 26 pounds. it will fit in our suitcase. ph was like a kid on xmas morning yesterday when it arrived at our front door. so last night he and bean blew it up. he is hoping to get in it the water next weekend. 

i am excited to explore some new parts of kea with our new boat. and i am sure my dad is happy that he doesn't have to buy or rent a boat with a motor anytime soon.

happy fathers day

i imagine that father's day is a bitter sweet day for you..
having lost your father, and then your son..
but hopefully this father's day there is some joy...

i love watching you..
with chace..
i do not know whose eyes light up more..
who smiles the widest..
or who giggles the most..

but i do know how much love..
you have for both your sons..
that a father's love is deep..
that it is forever..
and that cooper and chace are very lucky..
to have you as their papa.

happy fathers day love!

bean needs a daiper

we interrupt our regularly scheduled blog post to bring you this tale from the front line of parenthood.

ph has taken over the evening bean duties. he bathes him, feeds him, puts him to bed, and gets up with him in the middle of the night. i love ph for this act of kindness. he has learned that i do not function well on no sleep and am liable to leave the bean in wegmans if i am sleep deprived. we have a good routine going and bean seems to be happy with our division of labor.

last night was like any other evening on newberry lane, with the the one exception that we were a bit tired due to our adult night out sunday evening. so needless to say, we were looking forward to going to bed and hoping that the bean would sleep extra long. well.... this was not to be.

to start things off, the alarm clock went off at 12:01. ph thought it was the monitor and tried to turn it off. when this did not stop the blaring beeping noise that woke us from a deep slumber, he asked me to fix it. so i got out of bed and turned off the alarm clock. what i did not know was that ph was successful in turning off the monitor. we both fell back asleep and the next thing i knew, ph was flying out of bed and the door. i could hear bean screaming. i gave him a moment and then went in to see what the ruckus was about. ph had this bewildered look on his face. bean was soaking wet, not a little wet from drool, he was soaked. i looked at the bed and the sheet was wet. i asked what was going on, ph looked at me with this sheepish look and said he forgot to put a diaper on when he was getting him ready for bed. well, i lost it. i was laughing so hard i also peed myself.  he looks at me and says, you are going to blog about this arent you? you better believe it love.

so there we were at 2 am changing sheets and clothes. so much for a peaceful night.

tuesday tidbits can be read tomorrow.

outside

hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

happy birthday

happy birthday love!

here's to many more years of growing old together.

i cant imagine aging with anyone else.

love you lots!

my boys

last night i came downstairs after my bath and found the following scene. what you can not see in these photos, is that the dogs are sound asleep on the floor. no one even flinched when i took the pictures.

progress

progress was made today. i finished all 40 string blocks. i was able to do this because the bean napped in his crib for over an hour this morning. yay bean! more progress was made this afternoon because ph and the bean went for a walk. yay ph! this enabled me to start sewing the blocks together. loving how they look!

if i had champagne i would raise a glass to progress. i will just say yay, instead!

breathless

a glimpse

last night after three attempts to get the bean to go to sleep, i crawled into bed and breathed a sigh of relief when my head hit the pillow. i was off duty, the day was over and sleep was just around the corner.

as i settled in, precious husband, who had been watching the back of his eyelids for some time, snuggled up to me. he then said " did you take your medicine?" i realized he was asleep and i wasn't sure what he was talking about so i replied " yes". he then asked again " you did take your medicine?" i think to myself, what is he talking about. so, i ask, "what medicine?" his response "your grumpy medicine."

what do you think is he trying to tell me?

_____________________________________________________________

this morning i am in the nursery trying to get the bean to take a morning nap, which by the way was a complete disaster. after an hour and a half of him falling asleep, me putting him down, him waking up 10 minutes later, i gave up. he is currently in the baby k'tan fighting the need to sleep.

but i digress, while the bean and i were doing our dance, b came in the room and was nosing around. he walks up to the crib, peers inside and starts sniffing the air. he is looking for the bean, i say to myself, how cute. i then notice that the hair behind his ears is starting to stick out, a sure sign that wildness is just around the corner. he is also staring very intently into the corner of the crib and starts to whine. it then dawns on me that he wants the stuffed moose that is in the crib.

i sure hope that the bean picks his blanket to be his "lovey" and not a stuffed animal.

in love

thoughts on baking

generally speaking, i do not like to bake. i feel like the precise nature of baking stifles my exploration of flavors, i much prefer to cook. i can add and subtract flavors and i do not have to follow a recipe exactly, its more of a guide or road map.

i also do not bake because i do not like having sweets in the house, for the simple fact that i have no self control and am liable to eat all 4 dozen cookies in one afternoon.

however, my precious husband loves sweets. now i need to explain that when we met he did not need or want dessert every night. this changed when i was pregnant with cooper. he began asking every night what was for dessert or if we had anything sweet in the house? ( i don't buy sweets either). his craving for sweets at night has remained.

for the past two sundays i have felt the urge to make cookies, maybe its that nesting urge kicking in or maybe its because it makes precious husband so happy. after all, he has been cooking, doing laundry, and cleaning since he has been off work (ok, he always cleans, but i am very thankful i don't have to). i have stuck with cookie making, last week chocolate peanut chip and this week oatmeal butterscotch chip, nothing too fancy. and they are not all the same size or color. some are a little more crisp than others. but.....i have already eaten way too many cookies for one day.

which do you prefer cooking or baking?

requests

i have gotten some very specific requests this week from readers ( i love it, keep them coming), so i thought i would oblige.

**many of you want to know how precious husband has 12 weeks of paid vaca in the winter. he works for a wholesale plant nursery. we are very blessed that he is paid year round, many who work in the landscape business are not paid during the winter and either snow plow, pick up odd jobs, or go on unemployment. precious husband works hard from the end of march to mid- december, so he deserves a little r and r. and he will be home for about a month when the bean arrives.

** the color of the paint in the bean's room is called sea kiss by valspar and we purchased it at lowe's.

** and the empanada recipe, i found it in the the holiday issue of real simple. they have great recipes, by the way.

ingredients:

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 small onion, chopped

1/2 pound of ground beef

1/3 cup of golden raisins

2 tablespoons of ketchup

1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon

kosher salt and pepper to taste

2 store bought refrigerated rolled pie crusts

1 large egg beaten

** i added 1 cup of diced sweet potato

**heat oven to 375. heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. add the onion and cook, stirring occasionally until soft, 5-6 minutes. add the beef and cook, breaking it up until no longer pink. stir in the raisins, ketchup, cinnamon, salt and pepper.

**using a 2 1/2 inch round cookie cutter, cut out circles from the pie crust. ( i used a bigger circle than called for, it was just easier that way, but it wont make as many or you will need 4 pie crusts) divide the beef mixture among the circles, brush the edges with water, fold in half and press with a fork to seal. transfer to a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and brush with the egg. bake until golden, 20-25 minutes.

** enjoy!

snow = one happy dog

the snow has really piled up over the last 24 hours. and this my friends make b very happy. he has waited very patiently all day for his dad to play in the snow. after almost giving up hope, he finally got his moment. he is the happiest dog in the world right now.

two years

we met in an unconventional way.

you were new to match.com, i was not.

i am not sure who winked first.

nor do i remember much about your profile.

except for the fact that said you didn't like chain restaurants.

my foodie soul mate.

when we met for the first time

i felt like we had known each other our whole life.

i knew that you were different.

but i played it cool.

i knew when i invited you to my brother's wedding

that you had my heart.

i knew that you were the one i wanted to grow old with,

and walk down life's road hand and hand.

we decided to get married over a bowl of vodka rose pasta.

i am pretty sure it was a very matter of fact conversation.

we both agreed las vegas was the place,

and new year's eve was the date.

little did we know the road ahead of us,

but i know we could not have walked down it

without each other.

it is your love that makes me want to be better.

it is your love that saves me every single day.

and it is because of your love that i can face

whatever life may bring.

i love you.

happy anniversary, precious husband!

a father's tribute to his son

We all live with the scars we choose, they may hurt like hell, but they make us stronger....

-Sugarland

fathers day

i know its not the fathers day you imagined, but i wanted you to know that cooper was lucky to have you as his father. watching you with our son made me fall in love with you all over again. i know we will be parents again and i look forward to seeing you with our next child. i love you with all my heart.

happy fathers day.