cooper's hawk

this is cooper now.
in the afterlife.

i never knew how
i felt about life after death.
or if i believed that your
spirit lives on in some other form.
until cooper.

i am believer.
now.
because of him.

cooper's form
is a cooper's hawk.

i know it is my cooper
because he appears when
we need to see him.
when we need a sign
that he is ok.
that he is close.
that he is with us.

he always knows when to stop by...

he made an appearance
the day chace was born.
on thanksgiving.
the other day when i was sewing.
and today after the first snow.

ph is the one that usually sees him.
but recently he has been coming by
to see me.
i can not tell you how happy this makes me.

today, he came by
to see his little brother
and let ph take a picture.

isn't he spectacular?

far far away

this is the beginning of a new quilt
using heather ross' far far away 2 fabric.
i love it.

i love it because athena and i
are having a quilting bee
between the two of us.

the basic idea is that we each make two blocks
keep one and send the other.
at the end will have enough blocks
to have the exact same quilt.

well, the same components.
i am sure we will lay them out differently
and use different colors for the sashing.
or maybe we wont.

we are also writing a little diddy
about why we chose each block.
this one is called southern belle.

we are calling the quilt
the friendship quilt.
athena is my gift from cooper.
and i thank him every day
for sending her my way.

though we live far far away
from each other.
and have never met.
i feel like i have known
her my whole life.
i can not wait until her
visit to NY in the fall.


stay tuned.
this quilt is going
to be AMAZING.

yellow finch

today i saw cooper.
while i was sitting in the dentist chair.
he was outside at the bird feeder.
strategically placed in the patient's eye sight.
he was in the form of a yellow finch.
he looked like the bird recently tattooed on my wrist.

he came to me for two reasons.
one to calm my anxiety about being at the dentist.
two to tell me that the bean was just fine
at home with his uncle luke.

my brother was staying with the bean
while i went to the dentist.
bean was asleep when i left,
but i knew he would not stay asleep.
i did not want to seem nervous
about leaving him.
but i was, a little.

seeing cooper calmed me down.
i survived my cleaning.
was given a cavity free report.
uncle luke and bean did just fine.
uncle luke even changed a
poopy diaper.

i love how cooper
knows exactly when
his mama needs to see him.
its an amazing gift
he continues to give me.

thankful

cooper has been on my mind lately.

it feels different. its not this gut wrenching ache. not an earth shattering chasm in my soul. nor is it a sadness that just wont dissipate. its a new feeling. a feeling of immense gratitude and thanks. sure i miss him and will always wonder why we had to feel such pain, carry such a burden and cry so many tears. i will always wonder what might have been, who he would have been and how he would have left his mark.

lately, when i think about cooper throughout my day, i think of the many gifts he has given me: new friends. old friends. a deeper appreciation of family. an opportunity to help others through coopers flock. the opportunity to give the gift of sight to two children who might never have seen the sun rise or set. a stronger connection with my husband. an understanding of what it means to live in the moment. the knowledge that i am a survivor and have strength i never knew i possessed. i see birds in a new way. the understanding that connections exist after life, i feel his presence daily. and sweet chace who i fall more in love with each day.

cooper gave me so much. my life is fuller because him. i am a better friend, spouse, mother and daughter thanks to him. in many ways i know exactly who he was and how he left his mark, all i have to do is look at the gifts he has given me.

a gift for a cooper

courtesy of one of precious husband's customers. it couldn't have arrived at a more perfect time.

my little sparrow

yesterday afternoon while i was taking some pictures outside of fabric, knitting and flowers, a little sparrow flew in the open back door into the house. i walked into the study to put my camera away and turned around to see him sitting on the stairs going into the kitchen. it startled me so, and i blurted out "cooper what are you doing in here?"

the next few moments were quite comical, me trying to coax my little birdie to go back outside, without the dogs catching wind that there was a bird in the house. he eventually flew out the door off the dining room. i guess he wanted to stop in and say hello.

i love those moments when i know without a doubt that cooper is never far from his mama.