tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48370396999885819182024-03-13T12:45:06.214-04:00luc endslucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.comBlogger802125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-76798599351302608942013-04-16T20:12:00.000-04:002013-04-16T20:12:00.151-04:00darkness into lightit feels dark today.<br />
my mind has had a hard<br />
time making sense of<br />
the violence that took place<br />
in boston yesterday.<br />
<br />
ok, lets be honest.<br />
the violence that seems<br />
to happen with too<br />
much frequency.<br />
<br />
my thoughts are<br />
seemingly unconnected,<br />
but they keep bouncing<br />
around in my mind.<br />
so, maybe that means something.<br />
<br />
it is easy in times<br />
of darkness to lose faith,<br />
to surrender to the darkness.<br />
<br />
it is natural to shut down,<br />
go numb, and close your heart<br />
when the unthinkable happens.<br />
(believe me i know)<br />
<br />
anger is easy to embrace.<br />
to want answers,<br />
to want justice.<br />
and accountability.<br />
<br />
yes, that is part of the healing.<br />
but it is more important<br />
to keep the heart open.<br />
to search for the light.<br />
<br />
by opening up to life.<br />
we continue to live<br />
and it is through living<br />
that we find healing and peace.<br />
<br />
it is then that we<br />
can truly come out<br />
of the darkness so<br />
that we can see<br />
and experience the light.<br />
<br />
sending lots of love light and peace to boston<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-89803014049718401602013-04-09T21:45:00.001-04:002013-04-09T21:45:53.880-04:00Tuesday tidbits* hi there<br />
<br />
* how are you?<br />
<br />
* I know it has been awhile.<br />
<br />
* it was a rough winter.<br />
<br />
* and I think the fog is starting to lift.<br />
<br />
* I can feel spring in the air.<br />
<br />
* I see it in brief glimpses, glimpses that give me hope.<br />
<br />
* I battle depression on a regular basis, but it is always worse in the winter.<br />
<br />
* this winter it was really bad, a constant struggle.<br />
<br />
* to be honest, I had things to say and share but I just couldn't make myself write.<br />
<br />
* but today it feels right, like I said the fog is lifting.<br />
<br />
* what have been up to?<br />
<br />
* well, lucends launched a wholesale line.<br />
<br />
* I have been working with an amazing surface designer to create my own fabric line for fall.<br />
<br />
* there have been photo shoots, design edits, meetings with my sales rep and craft show applications<br />
<br />
* I will be a vendor at the country living fair, put on by country living magazine.<br />
<br />
* I am beyond excited and a little bit scared.<br />
<br />
* oh , and then there is life with a 3 year old.<br />
<br />
* full of fun, laughter, tantrums, funny sayings, play dates and lots of poop.<br />
<br />
* yes, we are still battling poop.<br />
<br />
*give me strength!<br />
<br />
* despite a rough winter, I guess I have been busy!<br />
<br />
* but it is good to be back.<br />
<br />
* what have you been up to?<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-5814005883656468062013-02-14T21:10:00.000-05:002013-02-14T21:10:27.587-05:00Dear ChaceMy dear sweet Chace<br />
<br />
Happy birthday!<br />
<br />
Today you turned 3.<br />
I can't believe it<br />
Has been three years since<br />
You showed us the meaning of love.<br />
<br />
This past year<br />
You have come into your own<br />
Become your own person.<br />
<br />
You are sweet and funny<br />
You are smart and very precocious<br />
You have an imagination that astounds me.<br />
And you are very stubborn.<br />
( but you come by that very honestly)<br />
<br />
You love trains and robots.<br />
You have a tremendous knowledge of animals<br />
You love books and could spend hours reading.<br />
Like, your father you love to be outdoors.<br />
<br />
You are extremely social<br />
And have many friends.<br />
Playdates are your favorite<br />
And you look forward to them.<br />
<br />
It has been so much fun to watch<br />
You grow and learn and laugh.<br />
Parenting is by far the hardest thing I have ever done<br />
But it is without a doubt the best thing I have ever done.<br />
<br />
It is an honor and joy to be your mama.<br />
I love you more than you will ever know.<br />
Happy third birthday sweet boy<br />
<br />
Xoxo<br />
Your mamalucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-91535455516244584992013-02-12T21:28:00.002-05:002013-02-12T21:28:16.989-05:00OverheardI am one of the room mothers<br />
For Chace's class at school.<br />
I am also the co-chair of<br />
This years fundraising auction for the school.<br />
<br />
Each class creates a project to auction off.<br />
The room mothers are in charge of organizing this task.<br />
Since I am a room mom and can sew.<br />
Guess what that means?<br />
<br />
Yep. You guessed it.<br />
Chace's class project is a quilt!<br />
My thought was to give each child<br />
A white square of fabric, have them draw a letter of the alphabet<br />
And then have them draw items that start with that letter.<br />
<br />
I will then sew the blocks together<br />
And appliqué fabric letters in each block.<br />
I think it will work.<br />
Or at least I hope it will work.<br />
<br />
Yesterday was the day<br />
That we created the drawing on the blocks.<br />
We heard some awesome things from the children.<br />
<br />
Like:<br />
<br />
" I play a angry birds so I am going to draw a red bird"<br />
<br />
" my brother is going to be so surprised to see me"<br />
<br />
" my mom is really good at drawing penguins"<br />
<br />
" I don't know how to draw"<br />
<br />
And my personal favorite:<br />
<br />
" when my mom gets nervouse she chews her hair"<br />
<br />
I am sure the parents of these children<br />
Would be thrilled to know what their kids<br />
Were sharing with the room moms while drawing.<br />
<br />
Note to self: maybe I should always be the room mom!<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-58722637051776846722013-02-10T20:30:00.000-05:002013-02-10T20:30:22.387-05:00A breakthroughI hesitate to say this out loud<br />
But I think we have turned a corner<br />
In the potty training department.<br />
<br />
Over the Christmas holiday<br />
Chace started telling us when he had<br />
To pee, but the pooping department<br />
Has been a struggle to say the least<br />
<br />
Ok, let's be honest<br />
I was a full on battle of wills<br />
He knew it was important to us<br />
So he refused to go anywhere but his underwear.<br />
<br />
We even made him clean<br />
His poopy underwear in a bucket<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"> </span><br />
Of water with gloves in the basement<br />
This did not phase him one bit.<br />
<br />
Talk about hardheaded<br />
I don't know where he gets that from!<br />
<br />
Then something happened on Wednesday<br />
He started telling us when he had to poop!<br />
I didn't want to get my hopes up.<br />
But since Wednesday all poop has gone<br />
Where it belongs, the toilet.<br />
<br />
I am hopeful we have turned the corner.<br />
Ok, beyond hopeful.<br />
The breakthrough over the holidays<br />
Was preceded by two days of absolutely horrible behavior.<br />
We survived two days of such behavior this week.<br />
<br />
Fingers crossed people<br />
Fingers crossed!<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-29831804744522423052013-01-29T20:30:00.000-05:002013-01-29T20:30:14.436-05:00unexpected strength<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4TQZenyfXYQ/UQh3RZ8fRrI/AAAAAAAACFU/vbE2xvyr1YQ/s1600/IMG_0242.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4TQZenyfXYQ/UQh3RZ8fRrI/AAAAAAAACFU/vbE2xvyr1YQ/s320/IMG_0242.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
there is a distinct scent<br />
that i associate with cooper.<br />
in those early days after his death<br />
that scent could bring me to my knees.<br />
particularly, if it was unexpected.<br />
<br />
i have not smelled that in a long time.<br />
until tonight, that is....<br />
<br />
i was in the middle of sun salutations<br />
when i caught the all to familiar smell.<br />
i just thought it was my mind<br />
playing tricks on me.<br />
<br />
as i continued to move through my practice<br />
the smell got stronger.<br />
then it dawned on me.<br />
<br />
we were out of tide and ph<br />
washed the clothes with the baby detergent.<br />
the same one i used on cooper's clothes.<br />
incidentally, i used a different detergent for chace.<br />
<br />
an unexpected shift happened.<br />
instead of falling apart when the scent hit my nose.<br />
i dug deep and found an unexpected strength.<br />
i took deeper breathes and stayed present.<br />
<br />
i felt his presence in every pose.<br />
in side plank, it was as if my hand<br />
was reaching toward his.<br />
my heart opened up reaching toward<br />
the sky in revolved half moon.<br />
and during shivasana there was a peace<br />
i haven't felt before.<br />
<br />
yes there was an incredible physical strength i felt tonight<br />
but the more meaningful was the emotional strength<br />
that showed up, representing another important step in the healing process.<br />
<br />
thank you my sweet cooper<br />
for the gifts you continue to give.<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-39091325771142490442013-01-19T11:09:00.001-05:002013-01-19T11:09:52.724-05:00morning conversation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9v_4Hhe0TA8/UPrFNmX28cI/AAAAAAAACE0/_DMNQLaGG2M/s1600/DSC_0661.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="214" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9v_4Hhe0TA8/UPrFNmX28cI/AAAAAAAACE0/_DMNQLaGG2M/s320/DSC_0661.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
thursday morning i was in the shower<div>
chace comes in the bathroom </div>
<div>
and pokes his little face around </div>
<div>
the shower curtain.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
he looks and me and the following conversation took place</div>
<div>
chace: mommy i have a penis</div>
<div>
me: yes you do.</div>
<div>
chace: do you have a penis?</div>
<div>
me: nope.</div>
<div>
chace: i have one, look. </div>
<div>
(he then proceeded to pull down his underwear to show me)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
i am not ready.</div>
lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-13962234654098911272013-01-16T22:03:00.000-05:002013-01-17T21:08:44.808-05:00Resolutionsi mentioned in an earlier post<br />
i are some resolutions for 2013.<br />
they are more like goals<br />
or promises to myself.<br />
<br />
i have them in my head<br />
written down in a place<br />
that no one knows.<br />
but I haven't written them here.<br />
on this blog.<br />
<br />
why?<br />
for fear of being vulnerable.<br />
for fear of feeling imperfect if I could not keep them.<br />
rather than having compassion for myself<br />
for making promises, my fear has kept me<br />
from sharing them with you.<br />
<br />
so rather than acting of fear<br />
and keeping them locked away<br />
i am going to act out of love<br />
and post them here.<br />
<br />
here we go.<br />
<br />
* in 2013 I want to have my blog turned into books. Not books to sell but books for preserve what I have documented over the lat 4 years. Something for Chace when he is older.<br />
<br />
* in 2013 also want to write a book using my blog as the guide. This overwhelms me. But I know in my heart that need to do.<br />
<br />
* in 2013 i hope to continue to grow lucends. To take the next step while remaining true to myself and allowing the business to grow organically.<br />
<br />
* in 2013 I need to go visit some of my friends that live in far away places. I need to see them. They make me a better person. I have said that I am going to visit and the life gets in the way. It's time to go visit.<br />
<br />
* in 2013 I need to be kinder to my body. To eat cleaner. To take in less toxins, primarily diet coke. Oh how I love diet coke, esp first thing in the morning. This being said, I do not want to eliminate it all together. But if I am honest I can cut back.<br />
<br />
*in 2013 i would like to work on patience, patience with ph, patience with chace, patience my loved ones and patience with myself.<br />
<br />
*in 2013 i would like to work on giving up my need for perfect parenting. i am going to make mistakes, but putting so much pressure on myself make me miss out on the joy of parenthood. chace made need therapy as a result of my parenting, which is not a bad thing, but he will know how much he is loved.<br />
<br />
these are my hopes for the year.<br />
thank you for allowing me to be vulnerable<br />
to be my true self.<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-70308050417001278552013-01-08T21:18:00.003-05:002013-01-08T21:18:47.912-05:00A shift on the matthere has been a shift,<br />
a shift taking place<br />
on my yoga mat<br />
<br />
i don't know what to make of it, yet.<br />
<br />
i noticed it yesterday<br />
and figured it was because<br />
i had not practiced in 3 weeks.<br />
i noted the change and kept moving.<br />
<br />
tonight the feeling was still there.<br />
things feel different.<br />
i don't know why, really.<br />
<br />
maybe it's because i am not trying so hard.<br />
maybe i am letting myself be vulnerable.<br />
maybe i have let me walls down, inside the studio.<br />
maybe its because i am so hard on myself in my daily life,<br />
that i just am cutting myself some slack.<br />
<br />
i cant put my finger on the shift.<br />
<br />
i feel more in my body and out of my head.<br />
my thoughts are not bombarding me.<br />
i am listening to my body.<br />
my movements are more deliberate.<br />
i am less focused on message from the instructor,<br />
finding my own message along the way.<br />
<br />
i am not sure why the shift has taken place<br />
or what it means.<br />
but for now i am just going to find an acceptance of it.<br />
but i am open to explanations.....<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-19517849914497472952013-01-06T11:32:00.001-05:002013-01-06T11:32:52.710-05:00hello? are you still there?happy 2013.<br />
i hope you and yours had a great holiday.<br />
we had a one filled with family<br />
friends, food, magic and lots of germs.<br />
<br />
we are home.<br />
and settling into 2013.<br />
its like a pair of jeans,<br />
you have wear them a while<br />
to decide if they are going to<br />
become your favorite.<br />
<br />
i made a list of goals for 2013.<br />
they have earned their own post.<br />
this is a first, but there is so much in my head<br />
it warranted a list.<br />
<br />
in the weeks since i last wrote<br />
i have come face to face with the challenges of parenting.<br />
it can be ugly and hard.<br />
but thank goodness for the moments, however fleeting of pure bliss.<br />
<br />
i laughed until i cried<br />
while watching this is 40.<br />
the reality of that number sinking in.<br />
<br />
i moved through the anniversary<br />
of cooper's death with relative ease.<br />
a sure sign of continued healing.<br />
<br />
chace has made significant strides<br />
in the potty training department.<br />
however, much to my chagrin i<br />
am still cleaning poop out of underwear.<br />
<br />
i ate my way through the holidays.<br />
gaining 5 pounds in a short period.<br />
oops.<br />
<br />
i seem to be reminded of the fragility<br />
of life and the need to live each moment<br />
to the fullest.<br />
it can change in an instant.<br />
<br />
i am excited and hopeful<br />
for what this year holds.<br />
i can not wait to share the journey<br />
with you.<br />
<br />
xoxolucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-61081082214726533642012-12-17T21:21:00.001-05:002012-12-17T21:21:45.826-05:00Playing in my mindThis song is one that reminds me of cooper.<br />
It has been playing in my mind since Friday.<br />
<br />
*******************<br />
<br />
Who you'd be today<br />
<br />
Sunny days seem to hurt the most<br />
I wear the pain like a heavy coat<br />
I feel you everywhere I go<br />
I see your smile, I see your face<br />
I hear you laughin in the rain<br />
I still can't believe your gone<br />
<br />
It ain't fair: you died too young<br />
Like the story that had just begun.<br />
But death tore the pages all away.<br />
God knows how much I miss you.<br />
All the hell I've been through,<br />
Just knowin no one could take your place.<br />
An' sometimes I wonder<br />
Who you'd be today?<br />
<br />
Would you see the work? Would you chase your dreams?<br />
Settle down with a family,<br />
I wonder what would you name your babies?<br />
Some days the sky's so blue,<br />
I feel like I can talk to you<br />
An' I know it might sound crazy.<br />
<br />
It ain't fair : you died too young<br />
Like the story that had just begun<br />
But death tore the pages all away.<br />
God knows how I miss you<br />
All the hell I've been through<br />
Just knowin no one could take your place.<br />
An sometimes I wonder<br />
Who you'd be today?<br />
<br />
Sunny days seem to hurt the most<br />
I wear the pain like a heavy coat<br />
The only thing that gives me hope,<br />
Is I know I will see you again some day.<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-69880790629220028552012-12-14T21:50:00.002-05:002012-12-14T21:50:35.429-05:00no wordsthere are no words<br />
for the events that took<br />
place today in newtown ct.<br />
<br />
there are no words.<br />
there is sadness.<br />
there is outrage.<br />
there is immense grief.<br />
but there are no words.<br />
<br />
my heart hurts<br />
for the families of those<br />
precious children whose<br />
lives were cut short.<br />
<br />
i wish i could hold<br />
each of their parents.<br />
i would tell them i understand<br />
how their heart is shattered<br />
in a million pieces.<br />
<br />
i would tell them<br />
that their grief is my grief.<br />
i would tell them that i feel<br />
the weight of their loss.<br />
<br />
i would tell them<br />
that i know this club<br />
they have unwilling entered.<br />
<br />
i would hold them close.<br />
i would absorb their tears.<br />
i would listen to their screams.<br />
i would just be there,<br />
knowing that there is nothing<br />
that can make it hurt less.<br />
<br />
and i would tell them<br />
that out of the darkness comes light.<br />
it may take days, weeks, months or years,<br />
but the light will come.<br />
<br />
they must hold on to the<br />
knowledge and hope that it will come.<br />
and until that day arrives, there are many people<br />
who are shining the light on them<br />
and their sweet precious angels.<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-65359412273570979632012-12-12T11:09:00.000-05:002012-12-12T11:09:08.004-05:00Undergroundlately, I have been underground<br />
i haven't had much to say.<br />
but my mind has been busy.<br />
constantly moving while working.<br />
<br />
trying to honor the past<br />
while staying in the present.<br />
dreading this time of year<br />
but finding myself viewing the magic<br />
of Christmas through chace's eyes.<br />
<br />
music has always played a role in my world<br />
specifically lyrics.<br />
words have the ability to calm me<br />
and help sort out whatever emotion I am feeling.<br />
<br />
so while I have been working away in<br />
my sewing room I have been listening<br />
to songs that remind me of cooper<br />
and the emotions this time of year bring.<br />
<br />
i thought I would share some of those<br />
songs with you over the next few days.<br />
-----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
"over you"<br />
<br />
weatherman said its gonna snow<br />
by now I said be used to the cold<br />
Mid-February shouldnt be so scary<br />
It was only December<br />
I still remember the present, the tree, you and me<br />
<br />
But you went away<br />
How dare you?<br />
I miss you<br />
They say I'll be ok<br />
But I'm not going to ever get over you<br />
<br />
Living alone here in this place<br />
I think of you and I am not afraid<br />
Your favorite records make me feel better<br />
Cause you sing along with every song<br />
I know you didn't mean to leave them to me<br />
<br />
But you went away<br />
How dare you?<br />
I miss you<br />
They say I'll be ok<br />
But I 'm not going to ever get over you<br />
<br />
It really sinks in, you know, when I see it in stone<br />
<br />
Cause you went away<br />
How dare you?<br />
I miss you<br />
They say I'll be ok<br />
But I'm not going to ever get over you<br />
<br />
-miranda lambert<br />
How dare you?<br />
I miss youlucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-51853411393047154412012-11-28T18:20:00.001-05:002012-11-28T18:20:23.893-05:00happy making<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-18328970337329013612012-11-27T14:34:00.002-05:002012-11-27T14:34:28.959-05:00dear coopermy dear sweet cooper.<br />
<br />
it is hard for me to believe that it has been four years since the day you entered the world and changed our lives forever.<br />
<br />
i have spent much of today thinking about who you would be today, on your birthday. what kind of party would you choose? who would you invite? would you love cake the way your little brother does?<br />
would you still have blond hair? blue eyes? would you be serious? quiet? or extroverted? what would your voice sound like when you said "i love you mama."? would your love trains? dinosaurs? or would it be superheros? sports? would you snort when you laughed? would you snuggle up to read books?<br />
<br />
the answers to these questions i will never know.<br />
<br />
but this i do know about you, you had the ability to look into my soul. to touch my heart like no other. you were wise beyond your years. you were a fighter, strong and determined until your last breath. my time with you made me a better person, a better mother, a more compassionate individual. you taught me more lessons in 3 weeks than i could learn in a lifetime. i feel you with me all the time. you give me the strength to move forward, to push myself, to follow my dreams. you have given me so many gifts. friendships that exist solely because of you. i am grateful beyond words. you taught me that out of such great loss can come great self awareness and clarity. that how i choose to live is simply a choice every single day. i feel blessed and privileged to have known you, loved you and to know that you are and always will be my child.<br />
<br />
i guess today i am a mix of emotions. there is a dull ache in my heart. i am sad. i miss you. but still even four years later, i still believe if given the choice between never knowing you or knowing you for a brief time and losing you, i would still choose the latter.<br />
<br />
happy birthday my sweet boy.<br />
<br />
love and miss you<br />
momlucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-62160330588325506672012-11-22T09:31:00.002-05:002012-11-22T09:33:44.505-05:00thanksgiving<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">even though cooper's birthday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">is still five days away.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i associate this birth with thanksgiving.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">in the spirit of being thankful</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i thought i would repost his birth story.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">because i am so thankful that i am his mom!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">***************************************************************************</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">my dear sweet precious cooper,</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">a year ago today you entered the world, stole our hearts and forever changed our lives. oh, how i wish we were celebrating your first birthday and making new memories, instead of holding on to the memories of your short time with us.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">the night before you were born, your dad and i were about to fall asleep and we told you that it would be perfectly fine with us if you wanted arrive early. i had this gut feeling that you would be born on thanksgiving day and it would get us out of<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">thanksgiving</span> dinner. you must have heard us talking and decided to indulge our wish, or maybe you somehow knew you would only be here a short while. whatever the reason, your early arrival gave us a full 3 weeks with you and for that i am grateful.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i slept fairly well that night and woke up at 5:30 because i was uncomfortable and had to go to the bathroom. it was then that my water broke and i just smiled to myself. i woke up your dad to tell him i thought it was time and went downstairs to call the doctor. he said to make our way to the hospital. i<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">wasn't</span> having contractions and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wasn't</span> in any pain, so i knew we had some time. your dad made coffee and i headed upstairs to pack our bag. we had been talking about how we should pack the hospital bag, but just never got around to it. i grabbed a diet coke on the way out the door and we arrived at the hospital around 6:30.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and then we waited, and waited and waited. since it was thanksgiving, the nurses worked shorter shifts, so we had three different ones by the time you were born. we watched <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">alot</span> of football games and waited. finally at 10 pm, after 16 hours of waiting your heart rate started to elevate and the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">dr</span> decided that it was best if he delivered you via c-section.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">you were born at 10:51 pm on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">thursday</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">november</span> 27<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">th</span>, 2008. when the nurses showed you to me, i immediately noticed your blond hair and that your hairline was the same as mine, a family trait without a doubt. you reached out and touched my face, as if you knew what lie ahead and were telling me it would be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">ok</span>. the nurses then took you, cleaned you up and you met your dad. i love how you held on to his finger for strength and courage. after they finished sewing me up they let me hold you while they wheeled us to recovery. i remember thinking, "i cant believe they are letting me hold my baby, i am so drugged, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">aren't </span>they afraid i will drop him?"</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">once we got to the recovery room, the nurse was about to hand you to me when she noticed that you looked a little blue. so they took you away and started doing tests. it seemed like an eternity before they told us that you needed to go to the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">nicu</span> at strong and that you would be transported by ambulance. it felt like someone had ripped my heart out, i just met you and they were taking you away. little did i know how my heart would shatter in the coming weeks.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">all i wanted to do was get out of the hospital and get to you. when we finally were able to see you, love you and hold you, i knew that my heart was no longer mine, it belonged to you and i would do whatever necessary to keep you safe.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">cooper, there <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">isn't</span> a day that goes by that i <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">don't</span>miss you, that my heart <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">doesn't</span> ache to hold you, or wonder what you would be like on your first birthday. but i know this,by having you, knowing you and loving you, i am a better person and will be a better mother to your little brother. you changed me and for that i am grateful.</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">happy birthday cooper <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">austin</span>!</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">loving and missing you always</span></div>
<div style="line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">mom</span></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-16485731941052666622012-11-20T20:57:00.000-05:002012-11-22T09:32:35.368-05:00the doctorthis time of year, i spend<br />
a great deal of time<br />
with my thoughts.<br />
some are memories<br />
some are "what if's"<br />
some are me trying to reconcile<br />
the past with the present.<br />
<br />
lately, i have been thinking<br />
about the gifts that cooper<br />
gave me and how grateful<br />
i am for those gifts.<br />
<br />
the most unexpected gift is the<br />
friendship that has slowly blossomed<br />
with his cardiologist, dr m,<br />
over the last 4 years.<br />
<br />
i first met dr m in the waiting<br />
room of nicu, some 30 odd hours<br />
after giving birth and learning<br />
that my son was born with a heart defect.<br />
<br />
she had spent more time<br />
with our newborn son than his parents.<br />
we were anxious to hold him in our arms<br />
and spend time with him.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">dr m understood this but </span><br />
knew there was much to explain.<br />
she had a calm and confidence about<br />
her that put me at ease, despite the fact<br />
that my world was spinning out of control.<br />
<br />
she was kind and compassionate.<br />
she answered our questions,<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">even ones that in hindsight seem so trivial.</span><br />
like will he be able to play hockey? or ski?<br />
<br />
she wasnt condescending when<br />
i realized for the first time<br />
that "surgical repair" meant open heart surgery.<br />
she explained in a very calm voice that one day<br />
the girls would love the scar over his heart.<br />
<br />
we left that meeting with a plan.<br />
a plan that would be driven<br />
by cooper's heart and<br />
could change at any given moment.<br />
we did not know the journey we were on,<br />
or that our relationship would extend<br />
beyond the walls of a medical office.<br />
<br />
i remember many details about that day.<br />
the shock, pain and sadness, but when i reflect<br />
on the morning of december 18th,<br />
i am incredibly grateful.<br />
grateful that dr m was cooper's doctor.<br />
<br />
i will never forget her coming out to the<br />
waiting room to give us an update.<br />
i knew i needed to call my parents to<br />
tell them to come to the hospital.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">i could not do it, so i asked her to call.</span><br />
ok, i basically threw my phone in her hands.<br />
<br />
looking back i realize the enormity<br />
of that request.<br />
i was asking her to not only call my father,<br />
the grandfather of her patient,<br />
but to call <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">a fellow doctor, as well.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i know how difficult this was </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">and I will be forever grateful.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">the heart team doesn't lose many patients.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">they have a very high success rate. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i know how heavy cooper's death</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">weighed on their hearts. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i saw it in their tears, in their sadness</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">and in the way that they said goodbye to our sweet baby.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">here we are four years later,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i will never understand why cooper died,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">but, i am certain that he brought</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">dr m and i together .</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">some how he knew that we needed each</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">other, even if we didn't realize it yet.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i imagine that dr m doesn't get the opportunity</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">to know the families of her patients outside</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">of the hospital, especially the families </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">of those children who don't make it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">it is my hope that watching ph, chace and i</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">dr m finds some peace knowing that despite</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">such heartbreak there can be healing, joy, and happiness.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">as the daughter of a doctor who loses more patients</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">than he saves, I understand that doctors are human.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">they are not god and even when everything goes </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">as hoped, the outcome can be the one that no one wants.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">for me, seeing dr m at yoga</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">makes me feel like all is right in the world.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">having her on the mat next to me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">brings me a peace and connection to cooper </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">that i can not explain.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">perhaps it is knowing that he brought us together</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">or that our lives are forever changed because of him</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">this I do know,</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">i am grateful that dr m was his dr</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">and more importantly that she is my friend. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-58354202410922038152012-11-13T21:13:00.000-05:002012-11-13T21:13:34.326-05:00Introducing...Have you met the newest member of our family?<br />
<div>
Before you get excited....</div>
<div>
It's not a puppy or a pony</div>
<div>
We are not expecting another child.</div>
<div>
Let me repeat.</div>
<div>
We are not expecting another child.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Although this project has taken </span></div>
<div>
Almost 9 months to complete.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Last April I embarked on a path to take</div>
<div>
My business go the next level.</div>
<div>
To get serious about my work, thus </div>
<div>
Making my creative endeavors </div>
<div>
More than hobby .</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Scary. Yes!</div>
<div>
But I believed in my product.</div>
<div>
Believed that this is part of cooper's gift</div>
<div>
And I owed it to him, myself and my family</div>
<div>
To take a leap of faith.</div>
<div>
To follow my heart</div>
<div>
My dreams</div>
<div>
And leap!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am so proud to share</div>
<div>
<a href="http://www.lucends.com/">Lucends.com</a> with you.</div>
<div>
I am giddy, nervous, excited, </div>
<div>
Anxious, scared and inspired </div>
<div>
By what the future holds.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And I hope you will come along </div>
<div>
On the journey!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Xoxo</div>
<div>
Luc</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-44332543620302923552012-11-08T11:00:00.000-05:002012-11-08T11:00:08.398-05:00timetime flies by.<br />
time stands still.<br />
time heals all wounds.<br />
i need more time.<br />
all i have is time.<br />
take your time.<br />
time marches on.<br />
<br />
these phrases we use<br />
and hear every single day.<br />
and it has got me thinking about time<br />
and what it means to me.<br />
<br />
when i went to vote on tuesday<br />
it was heavy on my mind.<br />
the last presidential election<br />
i was very pregnant with cooper.<br />
i was counting down the days<br />
till his arrival.<br />
<br />
i want time to speed up<br />
because i was tired of being pregnant<br />
and wanted to meet my son.<br />
i wanted to time to slow down<br />
because i wanted to enjoy doing nothing<br />
but knitting and watching law and order.<br />
<br />
when he was born and we learned of<br />
his heart defect i wanted time to stop.<br />
i knew somewhere in my heart,<br />
in my soul that my time with him<br />
would be limited.<br />
<br />
after his death, i heard<br />
"time will heal your heart"<br />
or "give it time, it will get easier"<br />
my heart hasn't healed,<br />
but it is not so raw all the time.<br />
there is a scar over my wounded heart<br />
that sometimes is ripped off.<br />
but when the scar is there, the loss<br />
is easier to live with...<br />
<br />
early on i counted his absence in<br />
minutes, hours and days.<br />
i am still aware of those things<br />
but it does not dictate my day.<br />
i am acutely aware of it as we approach<br />
his birthday and anniversary of his death.<br />
but i think that is normal.<br />
<br />
you see, i have learned this about time.<br />
it waits for no one.<br />
i have a choice<br />
i can focus on time lost,<br />
not having enough time,<br />
or wishing time would move faster<br />
or i can live in THIS moment.<br />
enjoying every second, minute and hour<br />
that i have today, with chace,<br />
ph, my family and friends.<br />
<br />
because the only way to really grasp time<br />
is to fully live it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-83825286723079912942012-10-31T20:48:00.001-04:002012-10-31T20:48:18.021-04:00i want to be a hedgehogaround the end of september<br />
chace and i started talking about<br />
what he wanted to be for halloween.<br />
<br />
he looked at me with a<br />
blank look in his eye,<br />
as is if to say, what is halloween?<br />
<br />
i pulled up the pottery barn kids website<br />
and we started looking at costumes.<br />
each one we came to, he said "no"<br />
<br />
then all of sudden, a hedgehog was on the screen<br />
his eyes got big and lit up.<br />
he pointed to the screen<br />
and said "i want to be a hedgehog, mamma"<br />
<br />
so, we ordered the costume.<br />
when it arrived and we opened the box.<br />
he wanted nothing to do with it.<br />
he would not try it on<br />
he said he didnt want to be a hedgehog.<br />
<br />
i didnt push it.<br />
<br />
i would ask him what he was going to be for halloween.<br />
"i am going to be a hedgehog, but i dont want to wear the costume,"<br />
was the standard response he gave.<br />
he remained steadfast in his refusal to wear his costume.<br />
<br />
so we have a really cute hedgehog costume<br />
hanging in the closet<br />
and a mama who is hoping he will wear it next year.<br />
<br />
happy halloween!<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-74947079634587317512012-10-30T19:38:00.000-04:002012-10-30T19:38:03.102-04:00tuesday tidbits** happy tuesday!<br />
<br />
** i am happy to report that we did not lose power, or trees in the storm.<br />
<br />
** but there are plenty of people here in the area that did.<br />
<br />
** yesterday, when i went to wegmans people were shopping like it was the end of the world.<br />
<br />
** the checkout guy asked me "if i was shopping for the storm?'<br />
<br />
** my answer, " no, just my monday morning shopping."<br />
<br />
** schools were cancelled.<br />
<br />
** but they could have gone to school.<br />
<br />
** back at it tomorrow.<br />
<br />
** mayday underground art and craft is this saturday.<br />
<br />
** if you live in rochester come out for some holiday shopping.<br />
<br />
** i will be launching a new design at this show.<br />
<br />
** the website is so close to being live.<br />
<br />
** the holdup is me.<br />
<br />
** i need to photograph inventory and list in the shop.<br />
<br />
** i dislike taking pictures of product.<br />
<br />
**its pizza night tonight.<br />
<br />
** i love pizza night because ph makes pizza.<br />
<br />
** i am on the constant quest for the perfect pair of jean and boots.<br />
<br />
** sigh.<br />
<br />
** hope you all are well.lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-89204826090007308382012-10-26T20:23:00.000-04:002012-10-26T20:23:03.309-04:00the whole is the goalthe whole is the goal.<br />
that was the message<br />
monday night during yoga.<br />
these 5 words have been<br />
bouncing around in my head, ever since.<br />
<br />
i have been trying to make sense of it<br />
figure out what it means for me.<br />
i dont have an answer<br />
i dont have an explantation.<br />
but this is what i have figured out.<br />
<br />
there are times when life<br />
feels so fragmented, compartmentalized.<br />
as if the only way to get through each day.<br />
is to check off the to do lists.<br />
it can be easy to lose track of the bigger picture.<br />
the importance of living life to the fullest.<br />
<br />
there are times when i feel so broken.<br />
my heart damaged beyond repair.<br />
as if the pain is never going to stop<br />
and the wound will never heal.<br />
<br />
and then there are moments when everything feels as if it should.<br />
when i hear chace say "i love you mama"<br />
or when i see chace's face light up when he sees his daddy.<br />
when we are together in the midst of a family hug.<br />
nothing else matters. life is complete.<br />
<br />
life will never be whole, until<br />
we are no longer on this earth.<br />
because if life were full or whole or complete<br />
all the time, there would be<br />
no reason to make ourselves or our world better.<br />
<br />
sometimes we are lucky enough<br />
to have moments when we feel whole<br />
and when those moments fade<br />
we seek to find the balance<br />
so that wholeness can be felt again.<br />
<br />
after all, the whole is the goal.<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-89854070000385941582012-10-23T21:27:00.001-04:002012-10-23T21:27:56.232-04:00tuesday tidbits** chace and i made pumpkin, oatmeal and chocolate chip cookies yesterday.<br />
<br />
** they are so good.<br />
<br />
**potty training is going well.<br />
<br />
** except for pooping.<br />
<br />
** i am so tired of cleaning poop pants.<br />
<br />
** i want to throw them away.<br />
<br />
** ph says he will clean them.<br />
<br />
** so i have been leaving them in his sink.<br />
<br />
**yoga was awesome tonight.<br />
<br />
** the whole is the goal.<br />
<br />
** mayday underground is in two weeks.<br />
<br />
** i have spent the last two days cutting fabric.<br />
<br />
** getting ready for a sewing marathon.<br />
<br />
**i know i have said this before, but if you dont watch homeland, you should!<br />
<br />
** the new website is getting closer to launching.<br />
<br />
** i love it!<br />
<br />
** chace has thursday and friday off of school.<br />
<br />
** parent teacher conferences.<br />
<br />
** chace is going to be a hedgehog for halloween.<br />
<br />
** he picked out the costume.<br />
<br />
** happy tuesday!<br />
<br />
** xoxolucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-73974492898479231672012-10-16T20:53:00.001-04:002012-10-16T20:53:17.495-04:00tuesday tidbits** we had chicken enchilada soup for dinner.<br />
<br />
** i love the crockpot.<br />
<br />
** tomorrow wilbur is being butchered.<br />
<br />
** no, this is not the pig from charlotte's web.<br />
<br />
** it is a 600 pound cow that we purchased with two other families.<br />
<br />
** this means that soon i will have 200 pounds of red meat in my freezer.<br />
<br />
** i hope that there is room.<br />
<br />
** sunday we are having a family photo shoot at a pumpkin patch.<br />
<br />
** i am pretty excited about it.<br />
<br />
** chace only had one accident today.<br />
<br />
** m&ms do wonders.<br />
<br />
** but i want to eat them too.<br />
<br />
** i had a great yoga practice tonight.<br />
<br />
** homeland sunday was AMAZING.<br />
<br />
** in my next life i am going to be in the CIA<br />
<br />
** last night i started reading the causal vacancy.<br />
<br />
** i hope my expectations are not too high.<br />
<br />
** i sent out the first batch of rewards today for the lucends: stitching from the heart campaign.<br />
<br />
** the website is coming along. <br />
<br />
** i am so excited to share it with you all.<br />
<br />
** i am joyful.<br />
<br />
** are you?lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4837039699988581918.post-20833650240358890902012-10-14T20:55:00.000-04:002012-10-14T20:55:28.583-04:00d day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CZUzWl-hwl0/UHtdWi0Up7I/AAAAAAAACBo/aAUdIfFY_yA/s1600/DSC_0822.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CZUzWl-hwl0/UHtdWi0Up7I/AAAAAAAACBo/aAUdIfFY_yA/s320/DSC_0822.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
tomorrow is d day.<br />
otherwise known as<br />
no more diapers day.<br />
or operation potty training.<br />
or designated big boy underwear day.<br />
<br />
chace attends a montessori school.<br />
he is currently in the toddler room.<br />
he will soon be ready to move up<br />
to the primary room.<br />
<br />
he desperately wants to go upstairs<br />
to the big class room.<br />
there is something intriguing about<br />
going up the stairs.<br />
and alot of his friends from last year<br />
have moved upstairs.<br />
<br />
but in order to move up<br />
he has to be potty trained.<br />
its the montessori way.<br />
<br />
i was talking to his teacher<br />
and she thinks i should just send him<br />
to school in underwear.<br />
as well as several changes of clothes.<br />
this makes me very nervous.<br />
but she has potty trained alot of toddlers.<br />
so i trust her.<br />
<br />
i am still nervous.<br />
my biggest fear is getting<br />
from the house to school<br />
without an accident.<br />
i guess that i why<br />
i am bringing several sets of clothes.<br />
<br />
let the operation potty training commence.<br />
lets hope i have enough strength to endure!<br />
<br />
<br />lucinda snyderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01671169694336345209noreply@blogger.com3