Thursday, May 14, 2009
my dear sweet precious cooper,
today, we would have celebrated your 6th month of life. i have found myself wondering what you would have been like. would you be sitting up? would your hair still be so blond that it glowed? what color would your eyes be? would you have curls, like i did when i was small? i imagine that today, on this special day, we would have read stories and gone for a walk, played on the floor and taken a nap. my heart breaks not only because you are gone, but because of all the things i never got to share with you. but cooper, i am healing. i have more good days than bad days and am able to see you in the birds outside, the flowers in the yard and the sun as it beams through the clouds.
we had your memorial service a few weeks ago, but i know that you know that, because you were there. it was a glorious day, a little on the cool side, but the sun was shining, the trees and flowers were full of life, and the birds were singing all for you. there were 300 coopers flock birds in the trees, 100 for each week of your life and seeing them in the trees took my breath away. the way that you have touched the lives of so many is truly awe inspiring and when we take the birds to the hospital, you will continue to touch the lives of others. and that brings me peace.
your dad and i both felt some closure after your service. we had been preparing for that day for some time, but i am glad that we waited until spring. it gave us some time to heal a bit and to make that day very special for you. there were so many people there who never got the chance to meet you, but love you so much. we are truly blessed to have such loving friends and family.
cooper, i think about you so many times during the day. your dad and i miss you so much but we know that you are with us in your own way. the other night we were eating dinner, and there was a pair of cardinals outside the dining room window. your dad said that you sent them as a sign to us. they were so spectacular. i think they have a nest in one of the evergreen trees in the back yard. it is in moments like that when we feel your presence and we treasure them so. those moments enable us to move through life and help us to heal.
loving and missing you