unexpected strength

there is a distinct scent
that i associate with cooper.
in those early days after his death
that scent could bring me to my knees.
particularly, if it was unexpected.

i have not smelled that in a long time.
until tonight, that is....

i was in the middle of sun salutations
when i caught the all to familiar smell.
i just thought it was my mind
playing tricks on me.

as i continued to move through my practice
the smell got stronger.
then it dawned on me.

we were out of tide and ph
washed the clothes with the baby detergent.
the same one i used on cooper's clothes.
incidentally, i used a different detergent for chace.

an unexpected shift happened.
instead of falling apart when the scent hit my nose.
i dug deep and found an unexpected strength.
i took deeper breathes and stayed present.

i felt his presence in every pose.
in side plank, it was as if my hand
was reaching toward his.
my heart opened up reaching toward
the sky in revolved half moon.
and during shivasana  there was a peace
i haven't felt before.

yes there was an incredible physical strength i felt tonight
but the more meaningful was the emotional strength
that showed up, representing another important step in the healing process.

thank you my sweet cooper
for the gifts you continue to give.
xoxo