past present and future

cooper has been on my mind alot lately.
chace has been on my mind lot lately.
there has been a tug on my heart.
one foot firmly rooted in the future
and the other planted in the past.

i think it is because the olympics are on.

during the last summer games
i was pregnant with cooper
ph and i would lay in bed
and watch the olympics late at night.
we were excited to be come parents
and we talked about our hopes and dreams
for our unborn son.
we were completely unaware of how
unfair and cruel lie would be in the months to come.
that we would be forced to say goodbye too soon
to a child we loved so much.

chace was born shortly after the winter olympics started.
i remember being in the hospital and watching
the events late into the night because i couldnt sleep.
i was mourning cooper and celebrating chace all in the same breath.
i cried many of tears during those olympic games.
when we took chace home, we would hold him
watch his every move to the background of the winter games.
and i would try to make sense of what i was feeling.

so it is with different memories and emotions that i watch
the london olympics, but the thing that is consistent is that
all the emotions, feelings and memories are full of love.
i still cry when i when i watch the olympics.
i now know what kind of love exits between a
parent and a child and just how deep that love runs.

even though cooper is not here, the love i have
for him is with me, just as the love that i have
for his brother.
it is what keeps me connected to my past, grounded in the present,
and looking toward the future.