past present and future

cooper has been on my mind alot lately.
chace has been on my mind lot lately.
there has been a tug on my heart.
one foot firmly rooted in the future
and the other planted in the past.

i think it is because the olympics are on.

during the last summer games
i was pregnant with cooper
ph and i would lay in bed
and watch the olympics late at night.
we were excited to be come parents
and we talked about our hopes and dreams
for our unborn son.
we were completely unaware of how
unfair and cruel lie would be in the months to come.
that we would be forced to say goodbye too soon
to a child we loved so much.

chace was born shortly after the winter olympics started.
i remember being in the hospital and watching
the events late into the night because i couldnt sleep.
i was mourning cooper and celebrating chace all in the same breath.
i cried many of tears during those olympic games.
when we took chace home, we would hold him
watch his every move to the background of the winter games.
and i would try to make sense of what i was feeling.

so it is with different memories and emotions that i watch
the london olympics, but the thing that is consistent is that
all the emotions, feelings and memories are full of love.
i still cry when i when i watch the olympics.
i now know what kind of love exits between a
parent and a child and just how deep that love runs.

even though cooper is not here, the love i have
for him is with me, just as the love that i have
for his brother.
it is what keeps me connected to my past, grounded in the present,
and looking toward the future.

things he says.....

** i am a rockstar

** i am a winner

** mommy i need fresh air

** i am a pitcher

** is that dirty water?

** i want a big apple juice (referring to the oversized box they sell you at starbucks)

** germs make me sick

** does mommy have a p*nis? (very loudly in the locker room at the pool club)

** mommy is going to yoga. i need to go to yoga.

** i want to go on a big adventure.

** i want to go to school.

** i am going on a big big airplane to greece.

** i have brown eyes, mommy have green eyes and daddy have brown eyes.

** i waannnttt the cooper hawk.

and my favorite..

**"mommy"repeated an infinite number of times each day.

the stuff that dreams are made of....

when i started lucends

i had no idea what the path 

was going to be.

what started out as blog,

has over the past 4 years

grown into a brand,

an identity, and a big part of me.

i have met some amazing people.

i have made incredible friends.

i have sewn millions of stitches.

i have cut an infinite amount of fabric.

i have created hundreds of bags.

and hopefully i have given those who have

become a part of lucends: LOVE.

over the past 6 months i have

been working on the next chapter.

and i am very proud to finally let you 

in on the secret.

it is time to get serious about the brand. 

it is time to take a chance.

it is time to believe in my work.

it is time to believe in myself.

it is time to stop being afraid.

afraid of the what ifs?

afraid of  failure.

afraid of disappointment.

it is time to soar.

i hope that you will join me.

i hope that you share lucends

with everyone you know.

this is after all, the stuff that dreams are made of.....

xoxoxo

luc

on playing sports

we are a sports family
there are very few sports
that we dislike....

as parents, ph and i
have had many conversations
about which sport chace will play.
we wonder if will be a  natural athlete?
will he play in college?
the olympics?
professionally?

yes, i know he is only 2.5
and the most important thing
is for him to find something he
is passionate about and have fun.
but parents like to dream.

the one sport we are not
fond of is baseball
and it seems that is the one sport
he might be good at.

of course, if that is the chosen
sport i am sure that i will be a
baseball mom, but truth be told
i would rather be a hockey mom.

no pressure chace!

i believe....

i believe that a deep breathe can get you through any situation.

i believe that time mends, but does not heal all wounds.

i believe in redemption.

i believe that our scars make us who we are, and that we choose which ones we live with.

i believe in the healing power of love.

i believe people are come  into our lives for a reason.

i believe in a higher power, but i dont know what that looks like.

i believe that those we have lost watch over us.

i believe that everyone is creative, they just have to find their creative voice.

i believe that my creativity saved me.

i believe that we all have a choice in how we respond adversity.

i believe that happiness is a choice.

i believe that the greatest sound on earth is a child laugh.

i believe that music can speak to your soul.

i believe that parents have a responsibility to teach their children to respect others, to be kind, to be inclusive and honest.

i believe that thank you notes should be written.

i believe that parents should be parents to their children, nor their children's friends.

i believe that be a good parent is the hardest job there it but also the most rewarding.

i believe that sometimes you need a good cry.

i believe that alone time makes a stronger relationship.

i believe in love.

what do you believe?

operation potty training

on friday, i decided to
put chace in underwear
and see what happened.
in my gut, i knew he wasn't ready.

but thought i would try.
for 3 days.

well. today is day 3
and i am officially calling
a cease fire.

after 3 days
of lots of wet
and some poopy underwear.
i can not take it anymore.
and more importantly
chace is not ready.

we had some small successes
which we properly celebrated
with dances and m&ms.
but all too often i heard
the words....

mommy i pee peed on the floor.
mommy... what happened?
mommy i pottied on the drive way.
and it went on and on...

so i will revisit this
when we return from our 3 week
vacation to greece.
he will be back in school
and his teachers and i can have a
joint operation potty training mission.

personal space

i am in desperate need
of some personal space.
this need contributed to
one of my not so stellar
parenting days today.

chace has turned
into a mama's boy.
i am not going to worry about it.
(ok maybe if he is 30
and a mama's boy then i will worry,
no i will pay for this therapy).

this means that he
is stuck to me like glue.
he has no understanding of personal space.
he is 2.5, afterall.

but he is very good at
clinging to my leg.
pulling in my shorts and shirts.
climbing all over me
and wanting to be held
or calling "moooommmmmy"

today i had no patience for it.
i almost cried when he said to me
"mommy, i will meet you at yoga"
oh dear god, please no!
then, i practically sprinted to yoga.

i sat in the car in silence.
no radio. no phone. no computer.
no chace. no ph.
ahhh, sweet silence.

i was feeling guilty about
my lack of patience,
about my desire for some personal space.
i wanted to be hard on myself
beat myself up.

then i remembered that
it is what it is
for today and that tomorrow
is a new and different day.
hopefully!

tuesday tidbits

** yoga was awesome tonight.

** except for the fact that my leg went numb during half pigeon.

** it is better, but still a little tingly.

** we had a great visit with uncle kuka and ziggy.

** chace adores them both.

** and cried when they were gone.

** we started round two of swimming lessons this week.

** we are having avocado, chicken and goat cheese panini for dinner.

** sunday i am going to the mackenzie child's barn sale.

** i am super excited.

** my fall craft show schedule is starting to come together.

** i have some knew design ideas brewing in my head.

** now to work on them......

** i think that is all for now.....

** happy tuesday.

** xoxo

swim lessons

today was the last day
of swim lessons.
this meant that parents
could watch their kids
take pictures, video and shout words
of encouragement.

chace loves the water
and has turned into a fish
over the last two weeks.
he starts session two
on monday.

oh, and he got a progress report.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** happy 4th of july eve.

** uncle kuka is on his way to visit.

** chace is very excited.

** have you checked out poppytalk handmade?

** if not, you should.

** chace is in his second week of swim lessons.

** he has turned into a fish.

** in case you missed it, we booked our tickets for greece yesterday.

** i can not wait to be there.

** chace and i will be therefor two weeks before ph arrives.

** this is a total of 3 weeks of nothing but beach, sun, food and drink.

** chace does not like to wear shoes.

** he takes after his mother.

** i hope you all have a fun and safe 4th.

** i am off to yoga!