it is what it is

it is what it is....
this was my grandmother,
mary ellen wallace's favorite saying.

it has been a recurrent message
for me the past few days.
perhaps she is trying to
tell me something.

i spend a great deal
of time in my head.
sometimes this is a productive
place to be and
other times, it just makes
things more complicated.

i am a thinker, an analyzer,
a creator of story lines in my head.
i am a master of the what if game
as well as the worst case scenario game.

the last several months
i have been exhausted.
i am talking beyond tired.
now, i realize that i need more sleep
than the average person.
but i was alarmed at the amount
of time i was spending sleeping.

i have been in a general funk.
just flat. nothing really wrong.
nothing really right.
just here going through the motions.
i didnt feel like myself.
i was tired of it.
i just wanted to feel like me again.

being the thinker that i am,
i had convinced myself that something
was wrong, i mean really wrong with me.
i am the daughter of an oncologist,
so i naturally always think that i have cancer.

lucky for me, my dr understands
this irrational fear of mine.
i went to see her on monday to express
my concern and suggest that i would like
some blood drawn to make sure nothing was wrong.

after she agreed and wrote the order.
she looked at me and said
"you now, it may just be where you are right now.
you have a toddler and it makes total sense that you
are tired. this will not last forever. it is what it is."

(or the record, my blood work is normal
my vitamin d is low, but that can be fixed.)

later that night, the message in yoga
was simplicity.
telling me that i need to stop
making life more complicated than it needs to be.

it is what it is.
and that is okay.