a moment

tuesday tidbits

** currently i am eating a bowl of rice and drinking a diet coke.

** i am so ready for warm weather.

** for those of you who have asked, yes the sewing room was a collaboration between myself and ph.

** well, he did all the hard work.

** i had the vision of what i wanted.

** i think that chace climbs the stairs at least 20 times a day.

** i am having a huge shop update tomorrow.

** i have a number of new designs that are perfect for warmer weather.

** tonight is pizza night.

** we are back to our regularly scheduled lives now that ph has gone back to work.

** my hair is out of control today.

** now, that chace is eating food, our grocery bill has increased by 40 dollars.

** i attribute this to the fact that he will only eat fruit and vegetables.

** i love my local quilt shop.

** i need new jeans desperately.

**happy tuesday!

dear finn

welcome to the world baby finn!

this your aunt luc writing. your favorite aunt. ok, your only "blood aunt". i am glad that you finally decided to join us. you sure put your mama and papa through alot when you made your entrance. i know, you were just breaking them into parenthood on your terms.

i sure wish that you did not live so far away. i so long to hold you, smell you and snuggle you. it makes me sad that i wont get to meet you until christmas. you will be so big by then. your cousin chace is anxious to meet you and teach you all the tricks he knows. i can not wait to see the two of you play together. your dad, uncle luke and i had such grand adventures with our cousins growing up. i want that for you and chace.

try to go easy on your parents in the next few weeks. you did not arrive with a handbook and it takes moms and dads a little time to figure out parenthood. be patient. enjoy your time with both of them home. let them snuggle you. hold you. and love you. this is the greatest gift you can give them. oh and let them sleep, as much as you can.

love you always,
aunt luc

for brookins

mike brookins is married to my second cousin.
but growing up he was more like an uncle than a cousin.
when i was little my parents lived in lexington.
mike and his then girlfriend attended.
the university of kentucky.

they were the only ones
who would babysit me.
i was not a pleasant child.
and this act created a bond between us.

and needless to say, made him
very fond of chace when he met him last spring.
he was quite smitten with chace.
so smitten, that he gifted him
his beloved kentucky hat.

chace has yet to understand the
significance of this gift.
he will someday.
but it was not lost on his mama.

i am not a big basketball fan.
but i do get into march madness.
i usually route for the underdog.
this afternoon, before the UK-UNC game
i pulled out the UK hat and put it on chace.
it seemed to be good luck.
UK won.

so brookins, this one is for you!

a moment

a room of my own

tuesday tidbits

** chace woke up 6 times last night!

** it was brutal.

** i think he is getting a cold.

** ph is back at work this week.

** i am trying to get back into my routine.

** it is forcasted to snow the rest of this week.

** boo!

** i think finn might be arriving today.

** i have 3 quilts that need binding.

** one of those is finn's.

** i am not a fan of making and attaching binding.

**according to my brother, today is national water day.

** not sure what that means exactly.

** my craft room is finished.

** waiting for the sun to shine, so i can take pictures and share with you.

** chace only wants to eat fruit.

** his new favorites are green grapes and cherries.

** we are having soft tacos for dinner tonight.

** and i might make brownies this afternoon.

** we saw lincoln lawyer over the weekend.

** go see it.

** i cant decide if i should sew or nap.

** maybe i will do both.

i am not sure

what i love more:
the curls
the chubby hands
the skull shirt
the jeans
or his tiny butt.

much ado about nothing

is what chace's doctor told me
on this phone this afternoon.
the bump on this mouth
is how his palette formed.
it is his normal.
no need to worry.
the CT scan was
perfectly normal.

whew!

relief

this morning was hard.
really hard.
but chace did great
and made it through
with flying colors.

we wont know
the results of the test
or what the next step will be
until we have our follow up
appointment next week.

i did not sleep much last night.
i woke up every hour.
i realized that today was the 17th
the same date as cooper's surgery.

the drive in to the hospital was long.
when the nice woman in radiology
handed me the green id tag for chace
i thought i was going to come unglued.

but i kept it together.

the nurses and doctors were great.
they understood that the last time
i gave my baby to an anesthesiologist
he did not come home with me.

so they let ph and i stay with chace
in the CT suite until
he was asleep.
and then we waited.

when chace woke up
he started talking.
they came to get us
and chace reached for us.

that was the best sight ever.
he was a brave little guy
and it was much harder
on his mama and daddy.

thank you for all your
thoughts, prayers, and good thoughts.
it helped us make it
through the morning.

too familiar

chace has to have a CT scan.
he has this bump
on the roof of his mouth.
we have seen several doctors
and no one can decide what it is.

they all say it is nothing to worry about
that the probability of it being something bad
is very small ( which means absolutely nothing to me)
and that they have never seen this in someone so young.

all of these things make the hair
on the back of my neck stand up.
the oral surgeon feels that the CT scan
will clear up the confusion.

the kicker is
that in order to get a CT scan
of a 13 month old
you have to sedate them.

this makes me very nervous.
and needless to say brings back
cooper's surgery flooding to the surface.
hell, we could even have the
same anesthesiologist.

i keep telling myself that it
will be fine.
but i am still nervous.
and i am sure that
i will cry the entire time.

so if you dont mind,
good you send some
positive thoughts our way today.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** it is starting to feel a little like spring.

** the daffodils are starting to poke through the ground.

** my new craft room is almost put together.

** dont worry, i will share it with you.

** i started my third book on my kindle.

** i am loving making the time to read.

** i am heartsick about all the devastation is japan.

** i spent three months there in college.

** my attempt to sew pant for chace did not go well.

** maybe i will try again.

** or maybe i wont.

** i am going to try to make myself a skirt.

** ph's boss and wife just came home from hawaii.

** they brought us chocolate covered macadamia nuts.

** very very dangerous.

** my mom is now equally obsessed with pinterest.

** she made fun of my obsession with it at xmas.

** hoping my nephew will make his entrance into the world this week.

** hope you are all well....

dear chace

my dear sweet chace,

happy 13 months! you are officially a toddler. way to go!

you have grown up so much in the last month. i can hardly believe, but you are sweet as ever. please, please stay that way forever. thanks.

you are walking all over the place. you crawl sometimes, but only when you need to be really fast. i love watching you walk, you grow more sure of yourself with every step and are so proud of yourself when you reach your destination. you have 3 words, well you have more, but i have not figured out what they mean, mama, dada, and book. speaking of books, you still love to read! this makes me so happy. we read lots of books during the course of the day and you have taken to reading them on your own. you are eating alot of solid food these days. fruit is your absolute favorite, you would kill someone for blueberries, bananas and strawberries. but you also are a fan of grilled cheese and peanut butter and jelly. you had ground beef with tomato sauce last night and loved it. i am so grateful that you are a good eater.

you are so much fun. you have your own little personality and its like i have a constant little friend with me at all times. but, you have also begun to assert and express yourself. just yesterday i closed the door to the family room, which you did not want me to do, and to show me your displeasure you flopped on the floor and screamed. it was hard not to laugh, you were so pathetic laying there on the floor. luckily, your tantrum did not last long and you were your happy self within minutes.

i can not wait to see how you change and grow this month. it is such a joy and honor to be your mama.

love you
mama

finishing up

i am in a number of virtual quilting bees.
and for the most i really enjoy it.
each bee has different parameters
and guidelines.
they have all pushed the limits
of my creativity at some point.

but for some reason i wait
until the very last minute each month
to make my blocks.

take the above blocks.
they are for the 1st quarter of the 3x6 bee
for this bee, i have to make
6 identical blocks for 6 different people
following their designated color scheme.

if you participate in all 4 quarters
you will have 24 blocks to make  quilt.
good stuff.

here is the kicker.
i have 3 months to make
these blocks.
and i wait until the
day before they have to be mailed.

silly me.
at least they are not late!

athena's clutch

athena texted me one day

that she needed a clutch.

a clutch to hold her

phone, credit cards and stilla lipgloss.

then she started sending

me pictures of what she wanted.

i let it simmer in my brain.

she thought i was ignoring her.

after several attempts

this is what i settled on.

i sent her two, both in her fave fabrics.

one with interfacing

one without.

they were just

what she had been dreaming about.

they will be coming soon

to the etsy shop.

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** i am eating greek pasta for lunch.

** it is my comfort food.

** chace and i were talking about cooper during lunch.

** and when we went in the playroom after lunch.

** cooper was sitting on the cherry tree looking in.

** he flew off after we saw him.

** chace had peanut butter and jelly for the first time yesterday.

** he could not shovel it in fast enough.

** i am going to attempt to sew pant for chace today.

** wish me luck.

**  i have been working away on some new items for the shop.

** can not wait for baby finn to arrive.

** i think he is coming early.

** i finished his quilt top this week.

** it is off to the quilter now.

** i will share when i get it back.

** off to sew....

** have a happy tuesday.

a wider view

ph and i have been talking alot about life, our life and what is important to us. one thing that keeps coming up is our desire to give chace as much exposure to the world outside of new york.

my parents did a good job of this with my brothers and i. we traveled alot when we were growing up. those trips, together as family, shaped who we are as adults. i strongly believe that this is exposure is why all of us left texas for other parts of the country and world.  our family trips were not always glamourous or fancy, but we didn't care. it did not bother us if we ate peanut butter and jelly for breakfast, lunch and dinner because that was all we could afford, we were in another country.  what we remember and still talk about today are the moments, the memories, the family time and the laughter. like the amazing candy store in london. or when during the performance of CATS, one of the characters came out into the audience and rubbed my dad's bald head. or how we were in the subway station in london and hear " hey, dr snyder." what one of dad's patient's in london? then there was the trip to st. barts for christmas. epic.  my grandfather trying to drive a moped with no shoes on and crashing said moped. i could go on and on about our family adventures traveling.

not only did our travels give us stories to share, but gave us an appreciation of other cultures and people. it showed that despite the faults of our country we are lucky to live in the united states, but that does not make us better than those who do not. we are not privileged because we are american. we are just people like those who live in france, egypt, greece, colombia or any other corner of the globe.

this is what i want to teach my son. that though we may speak different languages, eat different foods, or worship different gods, we are all just people. ph and i feel that the best way to teach him this is travel, to experience life outside of our comfort zone, to explore and learn, and be good stewards of the planet. this is what we have been talking about lately, and why we are seriously thinking about living abroad during the winter months. there are plenty of opportunities out there to make our own memories and family moments, and hopefully all learn something along the way.

dueling emotions

it was around 1:30 am wednesday morning when i awoke to the sound of chace. he was not crying. he was not readjusting. he was not babbling. he was calling for me. "mama! mama!" came over the monitor. there was no mistaking who he wanted or what he was saying.  hearing my sweet chace call out for me, caused me to jump out of bed. all he wanted was for me to find his pacifier. he went right back to sleep. it took me a little while to drift off to sleep because i was filled with such joy that he had said the one word i have longed to hear since the day he was born. he has been saying "mama" over and over and over, ever since. in fact the only time he will voluntarily give up his pacifier is to eat or to say "mama."

fast forward

last night, i was putting my socks in the dirty clothes hamper when i saw cooper's box sitting in the closet. his box of things as well as his ashes, have been in our closet for some time. i know that is where it lives. but there was something about it that set me off. before i or ph knew what happened i was sobbing uncontrollably. my heart hurt so much. i kept saying in between sobs " he is in the closet." and "i never got to hear him say mama." i cried so hard that my chest hurt, not from grief but from crying.

yesterday was a day of dueling emotions. grief, sadness, and heartache dueling it out with happiness, elation and joy. i kept trying to make sense of it last night while trying to fall asleep. and the only thing that i could come up with is that it is ok to have both emotions. that those emotions are not a betrayal of either one of my sons. and that learning to live with them both and accepting them for what they are is healing.

so duel away emotions... duel away......

a moment

tuesday tidbits

** thanks for all your kind words about my hair.

** you all know how to make a girl feel good.

** i am still loving my new look.

** chace has become very proficient at walking.

** and is constantly on the move.

** i can see the grass today.

** chace and i are going to jamaica in april.

** we are beyond excited!!

** i am working away on finn's quilt.

** finn is my soon to be  new nephew.

** who will live far far away, in alaska.

** i keep wondering if he will arrive early.

** i am going to try my hand at sewing a skirt.

** try being the operative word.

** i just finished this book.

** and started this book.

** i think i love my kindle more than my iphone.

** ok, maybe not.

** how is your tuesday going?