doctors

i come from a family of doctors and with that comes an expectation and understanding that you dont choose medicine, medicine chooses you. i know that my understanding of why one becomes a doctor may be the minority, that many think doctors are in it for the money, have large egos or are emotionless. i also know that the bar is set extremely high for those doctors i interact with outside of my family. i believe that those doctors in my family are some of the best out there, trust them implicity and are in a category all their own.

the doctors and nurses that we interacted with both during coopers birth and his time in the hospital are without a doubt in a category which has been occupied by a select few.

i often find myself replaying the events of December 18th. i can remember the looks on their faces, the words they said, the tears they cried and the utter heartbreak they expereinced at 10:20am. i wonder how they are doing, how are they healing and how they move on.

Dr. Alfieres left Cooper and went back to the operating room, to try and repair the heart of a newborn that was days old, instead of weeks old. I saw the tears he cried, the sadness and failure he felt and wonder how he returns to the operating room after such a devestating loss. it is beacuse medicine chose him, it is his calling.

Dr Meagher, the pediatric cardiologist, met cooper before i did, he was hours old when she first looked at his heart. i saw the look of heartbreak on her face. she was so hopeful that cooper would be ok.how does she recover from such a loss? how does she look at the next baby with tetrology of phallot and give that baby's parents hope? it is because medicine chose her, it is her calling.

Dr Kerpleman, my OBGYN, who helped take care of cooper before he entered the world. the special visit to the hospital to see me after cooper was born, the shock and disbelief on the phone when i told her cooper was gone, the reliving of her own loss of a child, and the tears she cried with me yesterday when i gave her cooper's birth announcement. how does she continue to help mothers and babies when she knows first hand how tragically it can end? it is because medicine chose her, it is her calling.

these doctors affirm what i have known my entire life, you do not choose medicine, medicine chooses you. and i am so grateful that medicine chose these individuals and that i had the privelage of meeting them and they in return had the privelage of meeting cooper. i truly believe that in his short life he forever changed theirs.