playground rules

Thursday, June 30, 2011

c and i  have an activity
every morning.
its our routine.
sometimes its just us.
other times we have a playdate.

now that summer is here.
we usually go to
the pool after nap.

when c and i are
on an outing by ourselves
i often have this feeling
of being back in high school,
or grade school
or any other situation where there are cliques
and i am the odd girl out.
or the new girl.

it happens when there is
a group of moms who know each other.
i can feel them watching me.
i can see them looking at my child.
is he well behaved?
is he clean?

they talk.
they laugh.
they watch.
and there we are, on the outside.

i dont like this feeling.
i am not one to make small talk.
or start a conversation.
particularly if i feel like
i am being judged.

my brain has been spinning lately
wondering when it is that we lose
our self confidence.
is it a certain age?
is it an event?

c is so sure of himself.
he initiates interaction
with children and adults.
if they don't pay attention,
he simply stares at them
or talks to them until they acknowledge
his presence.

i hope he never loses this.
maybe i need to take some
playground lessons
from my son.


  1. Good for you for taking your child to the pool/playground regardless of having other friends around. I think this demonstrates huge confidence! You could just hang around the house, but isn't it too much fun to see C having such a great time swimming or swinging? Enjoy your play time:)

  2. Wishing we could go to the pool together after naptime!! It is hard when the other moms seem to all know eachother. Just remember: if they're looking at you and chatting, they're probably just saying they wish they were your friend!!

  3. i know exactly how you feel luc. For me it was always at the library. You are a quality not quantity girl when it comes to of the reasons I love you so. Motherhood can be very lonely.

  4. Oh, how I wish we lived in the same city. I am the same way. Which is weird, for me at least, since I am NOT the shy kind. But something about having my girls with me, and being "judged" by the other group of moms..

    I just don't like it.

    And I'm with Alicia: They would probably love to know you. I know if I spotted you and C at the pool, or the park, or anywhere for that matter, I'd want to talk to you.

    But you're my kind of people.

    And I'd know that anywhere...