small percentages

Saturday, January 29, 2011

i am not going to lie.....
it has been a rough week.
chace is sick.
really sick.

he went from a throw up bug.
(today is the first day
he has not thrown up
in 6 days).
to the croup.

thursday evening
3 hours after he went to bed.
he woke up with
this barky cough.

a sound i recognized
as the croup.
i knew this sound
only because my
youngest brother
always had the croup
when he was young.

we went to the dr yesterday
and she confirmed
what i knew.

so today i have been
wiping yellow snot rockets
rather than stinky throw up.

i am still standing.
but not without some tears.
it is hard to watch your
sick baby and not be able to do anything.
he seems so helpless and sad.
it makes my heart ache.

i just want him to return
to his happy, funny self.
so i can stop worrying.

you see, one of the residual
side effects of losing your child
is that you think that it is going to
happen again.

cooper's surgeon had a 98% success rate.
we were the small percentage.
i think that i am always
going to live in the land of
small percentages.

now, intellectually
i know that chace is going to be fine.

but it is in the dark of night
when i am holding him
trying to coax him back to sleep
when fear replaces rational thought.
when emotion takes over
and the tears fall.

i suppose it will get easier with time.
this is the first time in almost a year
that chace has been sick.
believe me,
it is not a side effect i enjoy.
but it is a part of life as i know it nonetheless.

so here is to hoping
for a night without fear, worry or tears.
and a few less snot rockets to wipe.


  1. Oh poor little guy! I hope he gets feeling better and SOON.

  2. Oh Dear - I can understand that you're worrying constantly now...! But I hope that your Chace will be fine, happy and smiling at you again very soon! Croup is a very ugly thing, I know it from my friend's son - who recovered completely and is a 22 years old young man now!
    I'll be thinking of you and Chace, and DH, too. Your tears will dry, dear!
    Best wishes from Katarina

  3. Thinking of you!! I can totally relate to the fear that you speak of. It is a horrible thing to feel. While I have not lost a child - Hannah also seems to be in the small percentage bracket - the small percentage of children who can take a simple sniffle and turn it into a hospital stay. She has had 4 visits in her 2 years. It has left me dreading germs & the overreacting at the slightest sign of sickness!!!
    Take a breath, dwell on the fact that it is irrational, and know that he will be back to himself soon.
    Praying your baby gets better soon xx

  4. just wait till he starts driving! love you luc.

  5. Sorry to hear it has been rough. But I have no doubt, he'll be solid in no time . . . You'll laugh to know that I have been struck with a wicked cold and cough this week, cough bordering on croup style. So, what did I do: I went and got some good old vicks vap rub at age 32!

    Here's to hoping Chacer gets better in no time.

    Uncle Sam