keeping track

Friday, January 21, 2011

since the day chace was born
i have kept track of everything.
i mean everything.

poop diapers, wet diapers,
length of sleep,
number of naps,
how much he ate,
and what he ate.

i kept it all in my iphone.
in an app
called total baby.

it was my way of asserting
control that does not exist
when you have a newborn.

i always dreamt
that i forgot to feed chace.
this was my way my making sure
i did not forget.

self validation of my
parenting skills.

during our time in santa fe
i stopped keeping track.

and guess what?
i did no forget to feed him
or change a dirty diaper.

i am not sure why i stopped keeping track.
maybe i feel more in control as a parent.
i know, however, that this is
a fleeting feeling
that will not last.

 eventually, i will be keeping track again.
of homework, play dates and sports practices.

but it feels good to not
be keeping track
at this moment.


  1. We think that is wonderful...Its more time to watch Chace change and grow....I happens in a second...and I would hate for you to miss any little aspect of it....xoxo

  2. It may also mean that you are just more relaxed and confident in your own parenting skills, which seem really strong to me! And I'll bet you are already realizing how resilient kids are in spite of our "mistakes" as parents. I know mine did fine despite my mess-ups. :)
    Love, Kay