cooper has been on my mind lately.
it feels different. its not this gut wrenching ache. not an earth shattering chasm in my soul. nor is it a sadness that just wont dissipate. its a new feeling. a feeling of immense gratitude and thanks. sure i miss him and will always wonder why we had to feel such pain, carry such a burden and cry so many tears. i will always wonder what might have been, who he would have been and how he would have left his mark.
lately, when i think about cooper throughout my day, i think of the many gifts he has given me: new friends. old friends. a deeper appreciation of family. an opportunity to help others through coopers flock. the opportunity to give the gift of sight to two children who might never have seen the sun rise or set. a stronger connection with my husband. an understanding of what it means to live in the moment. the knowledge that i am a survivor and have strength i never knew i possessed. i see birds in a new way. the understanding that connections exist after life, i feel his presence daily. and sweet chace who i fall more in love with each day.
cooper gave me so much. my life is fuller because him. i am a better friend, spouse, mother and daughter thanks to him. in many ways i know exactly who he was and how he left his mark, all i have to do is look at the gifts he has given me.