Monday, June 7, 2010

cooper has been on my mind lately.

it feels different. its not this gut wrenching ache. not an earth shattering chasm in my soul. nor is it a sadness that just wont dissipate. its a new feeling. a feeling of immense gratitude and thanks. sure i miss him and will always wonder why we had to feel such pain, carry such a burden and cry so many tears. i will always wonder what might have been, who he would have been and how he would have left his mark.

lately, when i think about cooper throughout my day, i think of the many gifts he has given me: new friends. old friends. a deeper appreciation of family. an opportunity to help others through coopers flock. the opportunity to give the gift of sight to two children who might never have seen the sun rise or set. a stronger connection with my husband. an understanding of what it means to live in the moment. the knowledge that i am a survivor and have strength i never knew i possessed. i see birds in a new way. the understanding that connections exist after life, i feel his presence daily. and sweet chace who i fall more in love with each day.

cooper gave me so much. my life is fuller because him. i am a better friend, spouse, mother and daughter thanks to him. in many ways i know exactly who he was and how he left his mark, all i have to do is look at the gifts he has given me.


  1. love.

    (in every meaning plausible. possible. whole)


  2. All I know is that it was so incredibly sweet of you to send one of Cooper's Flock our way with the passing of Michael. It truly touched my heart to receive something so personal from one grieving mother to another. Amazing how when we think back on our trials (even the most difficult ones) we are able to realize the tremendous blessings that come from them. I couldn't agree more with the things you said. What a beautiful post.

    Thank you for sharing.

  3. I'm "only" a breast cancer survivor, but I know this feeling - that life will never be the same again, as it was "before" (whatever). You sent me the Cooper's Flock Pattern, I knitted one and than gave it to my neighbour who lost her son a few months ago, and I told her about you and Cooper. There's a lot of comfort in what you had to suffer, a lot of courage and love grew out of your way of grieving - it even reached a mountain valley in Switzerland... Thank you!
    With love,