sundays

i used to look forward to sundays, i might even go so far as to say they were my favorite day of the week. it was a day that both jamey and i gave ourselves permission to relax. there was nothing better than pancakes for breakfast, taking the dogs for a walk, watching football all day and sitting on the couch knitting, just being together.

since cooper died i have come to hate sundays. sundays are the hardest day of the week. it is the day that my heart hurts the most, so much so that i am certain the pain will never subside, much less go away. it is the day that i miss cooper so much. it is the day that i am the angriest. it is the day of the week where the pain is so raw that pouring salt in my wounded heart wouldnt even hurt. it is the one day of the week where i want to crawl inside a hole and never come out. i dont know why this is.....i thought sunday was supposed to be a day of rest, at least that was what i was taught growing up.

i know that sunday is coming, there is no way around it, and as much as i tell myself that this sunday is going to be different, better....it never seems to materialize.

i wish i could go to bed on saturday night and wake up on monday morning and skip sunday all together. but i cant, i guess learning how to get through sunday is part of the process.

but i sure am looking forward to monday.....