bad day

the thing i learned about grief today is that you take three steps forward and 2.5 steps back.
it was one of those days.....and i cant even tell you what set me off... we went to the mall to get new bras and the young lady working behind the counter was so inept at her job, that i was certain that i was going to either have a panic attack in the middle of victoria secret or i was going to reach over the counter and shake her, which would then have led to me being arrested for assault.... jamey managed to get me out of the store without completing melting down or getting arrested.....but it was touch and go for while.....

and that was only the beginning of the day.....

i then thought it would be a good day to go into the nursery for the first time, and i decided to do this while jamey was out of the house... bad move on my part.... he arrived home only to find me lying on the floor holding coopers ashes close to my heart sobbing hysterically......

my heart hurts so much today and i miss my sweet little cooper so much! intellectually i know that we will be ok, that we will work through this, that we will have more children and we will feel joy again.... but emotionally its a whole other ball game.....

despite the day i had today, i know this..... that sharing my journey here with you, will help me take one step forward tomorrow, and that i might take 4 steps forward before i take 3.5 steps back.... and that is progress....

so thank you for allowing me to share my journey with you.....