as a general rule i don't like to exercise, particularly not at the gym. although i will admit there have been points in my life where i go through phases and exercise obsessively.
but today i broke my rule , i went to the the gym. you see i am angry. and the anger that i have is seething out of my pores and this dear readers is not a good thing. i don't like anger, it scares me. anger is not a becoming trait nor one that i strive to posses. but i am so mad that my cooper is gone. i see people walking their children in the warm spring air and it infuriates me, i want to tell them "don't you know i lost the most precious thing in the world to me." my family wants to celebrate easter. and that sent me over the edge. why in the world would i want to to celebrate anything these days, much less easter, when i am so angry at god i cant even speak to him. i see people going about their day without a care in the world and i want to shake them. i know that anger is part of the process, but i need to figure out how to put my anger in a nice, neat little package and store it on the shelf.
i have tried screaming into a pillow, hitting the bed as hard and as fast as i can with my fists, crying it out and talking it out. but none of these things have worked. so i took my anger out on the elliptical machine. and i have to tell you, it felt good to have all that anger leave my body in the form of sweat. i felt good to get all that toxic energy and emotion out of my body. and when i left, i could actually enjoy the spring like weather. i could grocery shop without an extreme bout of grocery store rage.
so here's to taking my aggression out on the machines at the gym, which will allow me to be a little nicer to those around me and myself . and who knows i might lose the last 10 pounds of cooper weight in the process.