Sunday, March 15, 2009
i found this card and it spoke to me.
it sums up how i tend to approach life these days. maybe it should be my new motto.
but it is not really that simple. i have the raw ache in my heart, the feeling that a piece of me is missing, and a constant questioning of purpose. i have coopers things, his clothes, books and nursery that remind me that he was here and now he is gone. the memories of that awful day in december, the words the doctors said, the expressions on their faces, and my last moments with cooper, who did not look anything like the precious boy i love so deeply. i have the what ifs, should haves and could have beens that haunt my thoughts. i have a scale of emotions that run from utter heartbreak, sadness, despair, guilt and anger. and on a good day i can laugh, joke and play as if my world was not shattered 3 months ago.
but then maybe it is that simple, because the only way i know how to live, how to love and how to heal is by getting up each day and putting one foot in front of the other. and by doing just that, i am able to feel my cooper with me every step of the way.