weekend baking

i had the urge to bake both days this weekend. i am chalking it up to the nesting instincts kicking in, which means that the bean is on his way. well, not at the moment, but in the next 3 weeks. there are a plethora of cooking blogs on the internet, way too many for me to follow. but there are two that i do follow smitten kitchen and rookie cookie. i found the recipes for both of my baking adventures this weekend from these two blogs.

the photo above is rookie cookie's recipe for banana muffins. see, i am trying something other than cookies. i had some bananas that were, well a little too brown for my liking, so i thought i would use them for muffins. these were very easy to make, and taste great. not an overwhelming flavor of banana nor are they too sweet. it does make 24 muffins, great for freezing or company. i told precious husband we should freeze some and his reply was "don't worry, they wont last long." i guess they passed his taste test.

i think there are is no better combination than peanut butter and chocolate, so when i saw the recipe for peanut butter and chocolate cookies, adapted from a recipe from magnolia bakery in nyc, on smitten kitchen, i was well smitten. these are divine! chunky peanut butter, peanut butter chip, and chocolate chips, whats not to love! they are definitely keepers.

precious husband is very focused on getting every last bit of dough out of the bowl, which he then promptly put in his mouth.

bean's room... the artwork

here is your second peak into the bean's room. when i started thinking about how i wanted to transform the nursery, i knew i wanted to have the walls full of artwork. we did not have artwork on the walls for cooper, not sure why, and filling the walls with fun, whimsical art would help to make the space new and different. i spent alot of time online searching for the perfect prints. the goal was to find pieces that were kid friendly but sophisticated at the same time. prints that could grow with the bean.

the classic story of the tortoise and the hare with a modern twist by ink and wit

the giraffe ( seen here) and the snail (in the first picture) can be found here. and the "c is for chatterbox" print is from this great shop.

these two prints are from olli and lime, the place where i purchased the bedding. i couldn't resist these.

there is one more piece of artwork, perhaps my favorite, but i cant show you until the bean is born. it has his name on it, but i can tell you that it came from this shop.

and if you are observant, you will notice that i did give you the bean's initials. only 3 more weeks till you know his name.

spilling out

until about 10 days ago, if you walked into our house and i was not home, you would have no idea that we were going to have a baby in less then a month. yes, tiny clothes were washed, folded neatly in drawers and hanging in the closet. there was artwork hanging on the wall, new bedding in the crib and blankets waiting, but unless you went up the stairs and into the nursery you would not know.

there is so much gear that accompanies having a baby. most of that gear has lived in the basement or the nursery since cooper died. i have been reluctant to let it leave those two places. maybe because i am cautious. or maybe because there is a part of me that fears something will go wrong. or maybe its superstition, that until the bean was here and i know that he is fine, i couldn't let it spill out into the house. i remember asking someone after cooper died, what do i do with all the stuff. walking back into our house the day he died, there were reminders every where, reminders that i could not escape. i think my reluctance to let the stuff spill out of the nursery and basement is a way to protect myself and reminds me that my heart is still very tender.

but my need for organization kicked in. and if you walked into our house today there are subtle signs that a baby is on its way. it started with the pack and play. setting this up required some furniture rearranging and since this occurred in my craft room, i wanted a say in what was rearranged. this move got the ball rolling. now, there is formula in the pantry (no i am not nursing, another post for another day), bottles in the kitchen cabinets, monitors in the appropriate rooms, and precious husband had the car sear installed yesterday. there is still some gear in the bean's room, like the hammock that cooper loved so, but i don't think that will spill out until the bean is actually here. and the stuff in the basement, we wont need that for a while.

yes, there is still a part of me that is nervous. nervous that we will come home from the hospital with empty arms and broken hearts, but i think that is a normal fear regardless of whether you have experienced the loss of a child or not. despite my fear, i do have hope that the bean will be healthy, trust in my doctors, and faith that cooper is watching over his baby brother.

2 for 1

i am not found of writing on onesies or bibs for wee ones. sayings like "grandma loves me" or "what happens at grandma's stays at grandmas'" or "mommy's little cutie" or "here comes trouble" or........ i could go on and on about the sayings that companies put on baby clothing and accessories that make me cringe. seriously, it make my skin crawl. just because babies are cute, small and snugly doesn't mean they cant have some style. i know some people like it or they wouldnt make them, but its not my thing.

that being said, i am very picky about what i buy for the bean, but don't feel bad for him, he has a plethora of clothes and will be a very well dressed child or at least while i have control over it. i was this way with cooper as well, but did let some things slide. this time, not so much.

as you know, i needed another project, so i decided to make some bibs for him. i am not ready to commit to another quilt. i do; however, have some ideas brewing in my head for a new quilt. and it seems that my brother would also like one. but for now, i am making bibs. they were simple enough and very quick to make up. and my brain started turning in the middle of the night of how i can make these my own and put them up in the shop. that is what i am working on today. better yet, i figured out how to install snaps, with a little help for precious husband.

this bib is my favorite of the bunch. it was made with a left over log cabin square from the bean's quilt. so you have a sneak peak of what his quilt will look like, or at least the fabric i used. it should be finished this week, so stay tuned...

tuesday tidbits

**it was 50 degrees here yesterday. today it is back to winter.

**my feeling is that if it is going to be grey and cold, there should be snow on the ground.

**i am still sad that the vikings lost. i will be routing for the colts in the super bowl.

**precious husband and i started cleaning and reorganizing the basement yesterday.

**i have been wanting to do this for a while, he suddenly got the urge.

**i think we need to pack a suitcase, just in case the bean comes early.

**we did not do this with cooper, and trying to pack in the middle of the night, after your water breaks is not so fun.

**i need a new sewing project, but don't know what i want to make. maybe a another quilt?

**still waiting for the rocking chair i ordered to arrive, as well as the new flooring that is going in the tv room.

**i have eaten way to many rolo cookies this week. they may be the best cookie i have ever tasted.

in 4 weeks

it seems to me that this pregnancy has been the longest gestational period in the history of mankind. so it is a little strange to me that in 4 weeks, or maybe sooner, the bean will be here. that we will know what he looks like, who he looks like, be able to count his fingers and toes, see his personality in action and smell that intoxicating baby smell.

and while i am over the moon excited to meet the gremlin that has take over my body, i am anxious. there is a beauty in not knowing when you are going to go into labor, you have no control over the timing and you have to let the process unfold. it is spontaneity at its finest. you lose some of that when you have a planned c-section. and while it was my decision to have a repeat c-section, i am secretly hoping the bean comes early (i will still have a c- section). i think it will take some of the anxiety out of the process.

i know intellectually, that the anxiety is natural. our birth experience with cooper was not the norm and i have every reason to believe that the bean's birth will be the norm. but i know that the process will be intense, emotional and overwhelming. and that despite our joy, there will still be some sadness and grieving that takes place. how could there not be?

not knowing what those moments will be like when we are first together as a family unit seems to occupy my thoughts lately. i also know that until the bean lives longer than cooper, i will be very protective and guarded of our little family. we are blessed to have friends and family alike who are so excited about the bean and want to share in our joy. but in those first 3 weeks i don't want alot of visitors, with exception of immediate family and our closest friends. whether or not people understand this need makes me anxious and occupies my thoughts when i cant sleep at night.

i try not to dwell on my anxiety, but its hard, given all that we have been through. but i know that despite my anxiety and worry, things will unfold as they should and i will look back and wonder why i worried so.

and that in 4 weeks, we will be a family and the hole in my heart will not be as big as it is today.

sunday baking

for the third sunday in a row i made cookies, seems as if sunday baking has become part of our sunday ritual, along with pancakes( made by precious husband) and walking the dogs. although, i suspect that once the bean is here i wont be baking much, and will need to refrain from cookie eating.

last week, darling alyssa, sent me a link for this rolo cookie recipe. she gave it rave reviews, so i thought i would give it a try. it was a little more time consuming than the past two weeks' recipes, but these cookies are delicious!

inside each little round ball of chocolate dough is a rolo.....

which creates another layer of chocolate and a yummy caramel center when baked. seriously, what's not to love. precious husband and i are trying hard not to eat all the cookies today while watching football.