separation

dear dave,

you played an amazing show last night.
you were charming and witty.
you were modest and humble.
you put together an awesome set list.
and the chemistry between you and tim was
well amazing.

but despite all that...
i think you and i need to separate.
i will still listen to your music.
i will still think you sing to me.
and i will still be a fan.
but i do not think i will be going to any more live shows.

why? you ask.

well frankly i am too old.

i do not have patience for the people
who use your show as an excuse to
get beyond drunk.

i have no tolerance for the
rude youth that were barely in diapers
when you started playing.

i am still  traumatized
by the public display of
skin showing in the women's bathroom.

and angered by the invasion
of my personal space.
because people were too cheap to buy good seats
but felt it acceptable to encroach on mine.

i simply wanted an evening out with my
precious husband.
i wanted to listen to you sing.
i wanted to hear my favorite songs.
and witness tim's genius on the guitar.

i got all that i  asked for
and the realization
that i am getting old.

i hope you understand.
if you play a small venue
ever again.
i will certainly attend.

xoxo
luc

musings on pregnancy

i am not one who "does" pregnancy well. don't get me wrong, i am thrilled about the bean and about being a parent. i am acutely aware of how fertile i am and the ease with which i can conceive. but i don't like being pregnant. i see it as a means to an end.

i have heard so many women say that they love being pregnant. to be honest, i don't get what all the fuss is about and quite frankly i think its all a load of shit, like they feel bad if they say they don't like being pregnant.

lets face it , besides the mere fact that we as a race can procreate, there is nothing really wonderful about being pregnant.

** you spend the first several months feeling like you are on a permanent hangover, except you cant have a drink to take the edge off. or you are hugging the toilet and puking your guts out. either way it is not a pretty sight.

**women rave about their hair during pregnancy. well i have news, if you are blessed with a thick head of hair, pregnancy makes it unbearable. i have the constant urge to cut it all off, fortunately, my hair dresser knows better than to go down that path. i guess that's why he gets paid the big bucks.

**lets talk fashion. yes, maternity clothes have come along way, but fashionable clothes come with a hefty price tag. and who wants to pay a small fortune on clothes that you wear for a few months. so, you splurge on a couple of outfits, and by the time the baby comes you are ready to burn them all because you cant stand the sight of yourself wearing them. seriously, i can not wait to get rid of maternity clothes.

**and tell me what is pleasant about having a small gremlin take over your body? it is not fun, pleasant or exciting to have someone punch your crotch all day long.

**or how about waking up in the middle of the night with a wet shirt because your boobs have leaked.

** or you cant bend over to put on your winter boots or tie your shoes without help.

** and don't even get me started on hormones and the effect they have on your body or emotional state. one minute you love your husband because of what you created together and the next minute you cant stand him for getting you knocked up and are telling him to look into getting snipped as soon as you deliver this baby. ahhh, hormones.

and women say they "love" being pregnant. really? thankfully, none of my friends share that sentiment and we can commiserate together. i am very excited about meeting the bean, but i think that i am equally as excited about his arrival marking the end of my pregnancy.

then comes the fun part, losing the baby weight......good times......

tuesday tidbits

** we have alot of snow. i think that a lake effect snow band is sitting over our house.

** when we got home last tuesday, there was no snow on the ground, today there is probably about 30 inches.

** i am not joking.

** it is starting to make me feel a little claustrophobic.

** i am having a bout of creative ADD. there is so much in my head and i cant get it all out.

**so i started the bean a sweater, not a little cute baby sweater, but one that is more like a cute 6 month old sweater.

** our cord blood collection kit arrived today.

** this makes me feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.

** we are putting the finishing touches on the bean's room. pictures to come.

** the bcs national championship game is thursday.

** i hope i can stay up for the entire game.

** only two weeks until the new season of 24 starts.

**if jack bauer shows up on your doorstep, don't open the door.

** waiting for precious husband to bring me a tea from starbucks.

thoughts on traveling

i think there should be rules that people have to follow while traveling, especially during peak travel times, like the holidays. and perhaps i would go as far as to say that there should be enforcers to make sure that holiday travellers do not break the rules......

here are some things that come to mind.....

**is it really necessary to tell your life story to the stranger sitting next to you. the guy sitting behind us yesterday was telling this poor woman all about his pet snakes at 6 am. seriously? and then he busted out the homemade beef jerky and offered it to her. i am quite certain that he killed the deer himself and it could have been a deer he hit with his pick up truck.

** please use your inside voice on the plane. i do not need to hear your thoughts on the airlines baggage policy or how you and your wife measured and weighed every single bag to make sure you would not be charged extra money.

** when walking in the airport, do not stop in the middle of the road.

** travel attire.... there has got to be some middle ground here people, between dressing like you are going out for a night on the town and looking like you just rolled out of bed. and do us all a favor, if you have a beer gut, muffin top or any other kind of belly, please, please, please wear a shirt that covers it.

** why must you carry your suitcase on when you know damn well that it is not going to fit in the overhead bin? i watched so many people try to push, shove, stuff and jam there suitcase into the overhead bin, while holding up the line and hitting people on the head in the process.

** i know the airlines are cutting back and do not offer snacks, but must you bring smelly food onto the plane? if you know that your hunger pains are going to kick in during a 2.5 hour flight, eat before you get on the plane or pick a food that doesn't stink to high heaven.

maybe my rant is due to the fact that i am seven months pregnant, but.....

thank you and happy holiday travels

thanksgiving tradition part 2....game day

the pinnacle point of the rivalry between texas and texas a&m is the annual football match up held on thanksgiving day.

watching this game has always been a part of my family's thanksgiving day tradition. the success of either team, has ebbed and flowed over the years. when i was at a&m we had a really good football team and beat texas all four years i was there. in recent years, texas has had the better team. and of course since its a rivalry game, anything can happen. growing up, watching this game was usually tension free, since everyone there was cheering for the horns. this changed when i went to a&m, i was a vocal supporter, changing the dynamic in the living room a bit. my dad was a good sport, but i am sure he would have rather watched the game in peace and quiet.

college football is part of who i am, growing up in texas its hard not to like football. my family looks forward to the start of college football every year. every weekend starts and ends the same way, with a discussion of the match ups and how the teams fared. my brothers, dad and i talk on the phone and text through out the day. we bond over football. we have bonded even more since my blood has returned to burnt orange.

let me explain. when i moved to the northeast, i wasn't able to watch many a&m games on tv, really the only one they showed was the thanksgiving day game. but as texas started to win, i was able to get those games and started watching them. slowly returning to my roots. in 2005 when it looked like they were going to make a run at the national championship i thought it would be great if we got my dad tickets to the game for christmas. it was at that point that i was faced with a pivotal decision on thanksgiving day, who to root for. if texas lost they wouldn't play usc in the national championship and my dad and brothers would have tickets to game they didn't care about. so i rooted for the horns, they beat a&m , went to the national title game and won.

don't get me wrong, i will watch a&m if they are on tv. and i still hope they win. but i know more about the team in burnt orange, watch more of their games and more concerned about where they sit in the bcs rankings.

when i was pregnant with cooper my due date was december 9th, but i had this feeling that he was going to be born on thanksgiving day. and sure enough he made himself known to the world, late in the 4th quarter of the texas-texas a&m game. i was never going to be one of those parents who dressed their kids in clothes that screamed where they went to college or relived their college days through their children. i don't care where they go to school, as long as they go. but by being born during the big game, cooper earned the right to go to either school, no questions asked.

his little brother will be born on a holiday if all goes according to plan but it wont be thanksgiving. and since cooper could choose either texas school, its only fitting that the same rule apply for the bean. so i made him a pair of burnt orange booties and a pair of maroon booties. he can decided for himself what color blood is running through his veins, but i have a feeling it will be burnt orange. his father is hoping he follows his footsteps and attends an ivy league school, after all they have better hockey teams.

as for the game today, well i am hoping that texas wins so that they can return to the national championship game, but if a&m wants to make them work for the win, that's ok too.

thanksgiving tradition part 1..... background

there are a number of institutions of higher education in the state of texas, but there are only two major public universities, we are talking 50,000 plus students, the university of texas and texas a&m university. the rivalry that exits between these two schools is as old as the schools themselves.

generations of both sides of my family went to the university of texas, so you could say that i was born with burnt orange blood running through my veins. so it came as a surprise to some family members when i decided to go to texas a&m for my undergraduate education. some may have thought that i made a conscience choice to go there, that it was a well thought out decision made after many college tours and meetings with admissions counselors. or that i was rebelling against my father in some way by not choosing his alma mater. but what they did not realize was that my behavior and poor decision making skills had earned me the right to go to two schools: texas tech university or texas a&m university.

you see i spent a year and a half at a boarding school in austin. no i was not shipped off, it was my decision to go away to school to get a better education. i had been in private schools most of educational career, but there was no private high school in midland texas. so the only option was to either go to public school or go off to a private boarding school. yes, i learned to study, but i also learned how to drink. now, i did not look 21 by any stretch of the imagination, but we spent alot of time in bars on 6th street, at fraternity parties and sneaking alcohol into texas football games. my parents caught wind of what was taking place and i finished the remainder of my high school days in public school at home under their watchful eye.

so understandably, my dad was a little reluctant to let me return to my old stomping grounds for college, which is why the university of texas was not on the short list of schools i could attend. i chose texas a&m without ever setting foot on the campus. fortunately, it was a good decision and fit for me. i received a great education, had some fabulous professors that i have stayed in contact with over the years, made good friends, had a full social life, was involved on campus and had some unique educational opportunities. i also loved the tradition that was part of the student culture. i can honestly say that college was a great experience and i loved every minute of it.

after college i left the state of texas and began to realize that no one really cared what side of the texas- texas a&m rivalry you were on, that is was just an age old college rivalry. as i attended graduate school, i took an interest in social justice issues, began to understand sexism and racism, and started to form my own political ideas, which is no surprise since my masters degree is in political science/international relations. i also began to reflect on my alma matter and my college experience.

i don't regret my decision to attend texas a&m, it was the right place for me at the time. but it has been almost 15 years since i graduated and my values are more concrete then they were at 22, so i can see it my alma matter for what it is, a place where i got a great education, experience, and doors opened. i can also see the underlying sexism that exits, the conservative nature that goes along with being a former all male military institution, and a hatred of a rival school that is too intense for words. how many schools have a fight song about beating their arch-rival?

the culmination of this rivalry is the texas- texas a&m football game which is always on thanksgiving day.......

realization

this past week i have felt frustrated, tired, restless and a little grumpy. i am tired of wearing maternity clothes, i have aches and pains i didn't have with cooper and have a serious case of insomnia. my precious husband frequently hears me whine "i just want to sleep" at some point during the night. basically, i am over being pregnant and 13 more weeks feels like an eternity.

and then i had a two realizations..... i have been pregnant 15 out of the last 20 months! no wonder i feel the way i do.

and two, i have a completely different relationship with the bean in utero than i did with cooper. we interact during the day, i have a sense of his little personality, he makes me laugh and i cant wait to meet him, making being pregnant for so long worth it.

warning, the words you are about to read could be harsh to your ears

i believe i have mentioned on this blog before, that my precious husband and i were married to other people, the wrong people, before we found each other. when i got married the first time at the tender age of 25, i did not think twice about giving up my last name and taking my husband's name, in a sense becoming a new person.

some time after my divorce, i decided it was time to take my name back. and let me tell you it is much more difficult to reclaim your old name than it ever was to create a new name for yourself. it was then that i realized that i would NEVER change my name again. i know, never say never, but this was something i was certain about. and besides, i liked my name and the family that i call mine, why would i want to give it up.

when my precious husband and i began talking about creating a life together, i informed him, very matter of factly that i had no intention of taking his name and that our children would have both of our last names. it was something that i felt very strongly about and fortunately for me, he could have cared less what last name i chose to use. and besides, he told me, our children are a product of both of us, so they should have both of our names.

now, i know that there are plenty of people out there who may not agree with me or see my thoughts as feminist propaganda. but it was my choice. and what i do not understand is people who do not respect that choice. we get mail all the time addressed to "mr and mrs jamey gerenski". i hate to tell you, there is no "mr and mrs jamey gerenski" living in this house. i am not talking about junk mail or form letters, this is genuine mail from people who know that my last name is snyder, not gerenski. and every time i see it, it makes me cringe. i want to ask, are you trying to be disrespectful? or are you just too lazy to write out two names on the envelope? i do not understand how such a simple task can be so difficult for people, after all we are living in 2009, spouses having different last names is certainly not a new phenomena.

so do me a favor, if you ever send me mail please address it to lucinda snyder.

thank you for reading my rant, i will try to keep my ranting ways to a minimum, so as not to offend.