warning, the words you are about to read could be harsh to your ears

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i believe i have mentioned on this blog before, that my precious husband and i were married to other people, the wrong people, before we found each other. when i got married the first time at the tender age of 25, i did not think twice about giving up my last name and taking my husband's name, in a sense becoming a new person.

some time after my divorce, i decided it was time to take my name back. and let me tell you it is much more difficult to reclaim your old name than it ever was to create a new name for yourself. it was then that i realized that i would NEVER change my name again. i know, never say never, but this was something i was certain about. and besides, i liked my name and the family that i call mine, why would i want to give it up.

when my precious husband and i began talking about creating a life together, i informed him, very matter of factly that i had no intention of taking his name and that our children would have both of our last names. it was something that i felt very strongly about and fortunately for me, he could have cared less what last name i chose to use. and besides, he told me, our children are a product of both of us, so they should have both of our names.

now, i know that there are plenty of people out there who may not agree with me or see my thoughts as feminist propaganda. but it was my choice. and what i do not understand is people who do not respect that choice. we get mail all the time addressed to "mr and mrs jamey gerenski". i hate to tell you, there is no "mr and mrs jamey gerenski" living in this house. i am not talking about junk mail or form letters, this is genuine mail from people who know that my last name is snyder, not gerenski. and every time i see it, it makes me cringe. i want to ask, are you trying to be disrespectful? or are you just too lazy to write out two names on the envelope? i do not understand how such a simple task can be so difficult for people, after all we are living in 2009, spouses having different last names is certainly not a new phenomena.

so do me a favor, if you ever send me mail please address it to lucinda snyder.

thank you for reading my rant, i will try to keep my ranting ways to a minimum, so as not to offend.


  1. Well - congratulations! You made a good choice! I had the same problems getting my family name back after divorce and, I will never give it up again!
    Regards from Switzerland,

  2. I respect your choice - in fact I wanted to do the same thing when we married. However - not wanting to upset anyone (and the fact that 30 years ago the idea wasn't nearly as common)-I meekly took my husband's name. After all this time I have become used to it. But I seldom ever refer to myself as MRS. preferring to use just my first and last name or Ms. if a salutation is required. Drives me nuts when ladies called themselves- MRS. JOHN JONES- for example- giving up all of their identity!! So good for you! I was born too soon.

  3. luc, you already know this, but I'm so with you. When letters arrive at our house (mainly from xian's grandmothers) addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Xian Schimke I cringe. When people at the bank ask me how I am related to the other person on my checking account, I always tell them: "My husband and I have different last names and why is that your business?" Seriously.

  4. Isn't it good that we can choose? My sister took back her family name after a bitter divorce, and is fierce about being referred to either by that or by a hyphenation (?) with her name first, then her husband's.
    I was young, eager to leave home, ready to shed the family name, which had unhappy associations with it. So I took my husband's last name happily and many years later, am happy with it. But I too feel invisible when referred to as "Mrs. John Doe". I use a happy nickname for my first name, and that suits me.
    Thanks for bringing up a many-faceted topic.

  5. Oh, my Nana would not like you :) (I still address Nana's letters to Mrs Duane Benson, as she prefers)

    I do have my hubby's last name, but I also really don't like being called Mrs. , and especially dislike the use of Mrs Paul McCreight - my name is Kate, thank you.

    I also remember being really particular about not being referred to as man and wife during our wedding ceremony. Which I knew wouldn't be a problem for our priest, but it was one of the few things I really wanted to make sure didn't happen. Man and wife has always sounded so unequal to me.

  6. my favorite rant!! i say the same thing all the time "it's 2009! why is this so difficult!!"
    my best story is a card i got in the mail once addressed correctly - with both my name and husband's...but also included was an arrow from my name to his saying "legal & proper spouse of"!! it was from a very sweet woman in her 70's who i know meant well - but must have been horrified about what the mailman might think!! i saved the envelope - it still cracks me up!

    btw - your blog is great - i read alot - but am a slacker on the comments!!
    take care!! jean

  7. i love you luc. from all of us who took the name of our husbands just so we wouldn't have to deal with our mother-in-laws, i commend you. rant on!


  8. You know, maybe I am a closet feminist (though I really don't feel so) because even though I took my husband's last name, it REALLY irks me to get mail addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Husband's First Name Family Name. I married, we are a couple of TWO people- I'm not just a tag along for the ride. I prefer Ms. and my own name being used.

  9. My sweetheart and I are not married, though we plan to be. What drives me crazy are the cards we receive from his family members addressed to "John Smith and Mary"--it makes me feel as if I am the family pet. Every one of them has received many, many birthday cards from me over the years, all sent with return address labels with my full name on them. Couldn't they take a moment and make a note of it?

    As you can tell, I am ready to rant about this at a moment's notice. Thanks for the opportunity.