storm clouds

Friday, October 29, 2010

they are slowly building.
getting bigger
and heavier.
weighing on my chest.
causing my heart to ache.

the only release i know
is to give in to the pain.
to feel it.
to cry.
to mourn.

it doesn't get easier.
time does not heal.

i suppose
this will happen
every year.
wanting to get from
now till christmas.

because that means
i will have made it
his birthday
and the anniversary
of his death.

i used to love
the time between
now i dread it.

those around me
make thanksgiving plans.
i want no part of it.
i want to be in my house
with ph, and chace
together as a family.

not putting on a brave face
as if it never happened.
as if the pain as gone.
as if life is normal.

there is happiness.
there is laughter.
there is love.
there is chace.

but my heart
is still broken.
and the storm clouds
are building.

1 comment:

  1. The only words I know to say right now is that this, every part of it, is awful, and normal, and perfect, and OKAY.

    You are brave. Even when you don't feel it.
    You are strong. Even when you don't think it.
    Cooper is there. In ways you never knew he could be.

    And your heart will always ache for him.
    Especially this time of year.

    And you'll carry on.
    Remind yourself to Breathe.
    Put one foot in front of the other.
    And you won't go down with the bathwater.

    You'll continue to be
    among the hurt and the pain and the ache,
    Amazing, courageous, inspirational,


    Love you.
    Mean it.
    True story.