home

i am home.
did you miss me?
i missed blogging.
but i think i needed
some time off.

after a very long day,
an unexpected fuel stop
in oklahoma city
and 5 hours in the atlanta airport,
we are home.

and it feels good.

we had a wonderful time
full of fun, laughs, outings
and a little sickness.
c got an insane amount of school clothes.
his mama got clothes and fabric.
i took over 300 pictures.
we ate amazing food.
and enjoyed the last days of summer.

today, i am doing laundry
unpacking,
making lists,
trying to get organized,
enjoying the hint of fall in the air,
and working my way back into
our rhythm of life.


so glad to be back.
i missed you.

tuesday tidbits

** chace and i are here in santa fe.

** ph will join us in a week.

** it is good to be here.

** i needed a change of scenery.

** the trip out was uneventful.

** with the exception of when the flight attendant asked if chace would like a banana.

** this may seem like a nice gesture.

** but chace was tired of being in his seat and was letting people know it.

** she thought a banana would make him quiet down.

** she does not know my child.

** i saw through her gesture and did not appreciate it.

** nope, not one bit.

** i am starting a new knitting project.

** i think it may take me a while.

** i am reading a great book, sarah's key.

** there is an unusually high number of mosquitos here this summer.

** i am over them.

** i am missing yoga.

** i might try to take a class or two here.

** my mom and i are working on a sewing project.

** hope all is well in your world.

** back to my knitting.

heart center

i have had the heart
on my mind lately.
both the physical heart
and the figurative heart.

cooper's imperfect heart.
chace's perfect heart.
both the size of a walnut
when they were born.

this organ that is
in the center of the body.
the life force,
the work horse
of the human body,

my heart that i guarded
so carefully
until i met ph.

it was battered
and bruised over the years.
leaving me cautious
about leaving it unprotected.

i learned how much
my heart could love
when my boys were born.
and how much it could break, hurt and ache
when cooper died.

i learned how through
hard work, love, and patience
it can mend.
not heal but mend.
stitched together carefully.

i learned that despite
such a trauma,
it can love completely
again, if not more fully than before.

in yoga, the goal is
to be centered, grounded.
i start each practice
at heart center
and come back to throughout the class.

opening up.
being unguarded
exposed.
vulnerable.

and when i think i can
not open up anymore.
i think of cooper.
our hearts forever connected.
a string pulling my heart
closer to his.

and by opening up,
i am closer to him
and thus a better parent,
wife and friend.

he goes to scott miller

a moment

she let go

this was in my inbox when i walked out of yoga class
it seemed fitting.
it gave me chills.
it echoed class.
so, i thought i would share....

"She let go.  Without a thought or a word, she let go. She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the 'right' reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go. She didn't ask anyone for advice. She didn't read a book on how to let go. She didn't search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to  do it just right. She didn't promise to let go. She didn't journal about it. She didn't write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn't check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn't analyze whether she should let go. She didn't call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn't do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn't call the prayer line. She didn't utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go. There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn't good and it wasn't bad. It was what it was, and it is just that. In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.."

tuesday tidbits

** this morning we had a play date with tommy and charlie.

** there was a lot of little boy energy in my house.

** and the three of them ate half a watermelon.

** i shudder to think what they will eat as teenagers.

** i finished sewing the quilt blocks on a big quilt project i have been working on for a long time.

**we leave monday to head to santa fe.

** we will be gone until sept. 7th.

** i am looking forward to a change of scenery.

**weight watchers is not going so well these days.

** i can not wait for college football to start.

** i have the urge to knit some sweaters for myself.

** i think it is because fall is right around the corner.

** i do love the fall.

** i have applied to 3 craft shows for the fall. i should know by the end of september if i was accepted.

** i will let you all know.

** c is down, but not asleep.

**that is my cue to go sew.

** happy tuesday.