silent

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

it has been silent
here on this blog
for sometime.

to be honest
i didn't feel like writing
i didn't feel like i  had anything to say.

no words of wisdom
no creativity
nothing funny
nothing sad.
no message.

it wasn't writers block
that i struggled with
there was plenty going on in my head.
i had no motivation to write.
i was in a deep dark blogging funk.

heck, i even thought about
never writing another blog post again.
i said thought about....

i have come to grips
with the fact that i am never
going to be a "famous" blogger.
nor am i going to support my family by blogging.
i am ok with that....
well, it would be nice to be famous.

when i started this blog, the purpose
was to heal, to share my journey
through grief with others.
along the way it organically grew into
a blog about grief, life, parenting,
and occasionally my creative ventures.

i was beginning to feel that it didn't matter anymore
that my story was insignificant and that i didn't have
a message to share.
i became very perfectionistic about my writing
rather than simply sharing my journey.

i am not going to lie.
i like comments.
i don't get comments anymore
and i read that as sign that no one was reading.

it hit me tonight
during downward facing dog
that i put up a wall.
a self imposed blogging wall.
and i needed to tear it down.
to get back to being unfiltered.
to being honest in my writing.

i need to write for the sake of writing
and maybe in that process something
i say will make sense to someone.
i need to be myself
and stop feeling the need to be the perfect blogger.

so i am making you this promise.
what i write on this here blog
will be honest, authentic, unfiltered
and most importantly
me.

love you all.




13 comments:

  1. I'm here reading as always, so please keep writing.

    SGWC

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  2. I check your blog nearly every day. I don't comment very often because I tend to keep to myself, but I enjoy reading what you have to say. I hope you will find peace in sharing here once more.

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  3. I'm here as a "lurker", I always read, and think I've gotten to know a great person and friend from this. Keep writing, it puts things in perspective for me that I'm not the only one who thinks the way I do!

    Amy :)

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  4. Baby girl... Don't stop. You are a beautiful, authentic writer that opened up and let yourself be vulnerable, and that takes such courage. I cherish your blog, and know that you already are famous in my world, just can't wait for Oprah to have your fabulous items on her favorite things list. Then you can mention your blog there, and be doubly famous. Love you. Shéepie

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  5. I hope you keep writing, Lucinda. Most blogs I've looked at I forget after a short time. I keep coming back to yours, as it resonates for me in a number of ways. You have a wonderful, true voice. Thanks for writing, Jeanna

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  6. I have read your blog quite often - I work with those who have received birds from Cooper's flock. Your journey has helped so many others - I'm sure they would like you to know that.....

    Best -
    alicia - pediatric social worker from Syracuse

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  7. I read your blog all the time:) I just don't comment very often. It's fun to check in and see what's new in your sewing/knitting/parenting world. I hope you will continue your blogging:)

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  8. I definitely still read your blog and I am so thankful for it!! It inspired me to blog. It inspired me to want to create again. And you introduced me to Pinterest!! Please keep writing :) And what is that dry shampoo you love?

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    Replies
    1. lindsey, the dry shampoo is by oribe. i think it is called dry texturing spray... something like that. i will double check when i go upstairs. it is the best product ever invented. i swear by it.

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  9. I read every blog you write....you've got a lot of lurkers out here in cyber space! Keep writing, we miss you when you're gone. :)
    - AB

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  10. I am a long time lurker, I have read every post you have written. I have mourned and celebrated for your family. You have inspired and touched so many lives, keep doing what you are doing when you want :)

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  11. we are reading..every day someone tracks traces...keep being yourself..do what you like the most..and enjoy,in the way you only do..

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