i am not going to lie.....
it has been a rough week.
chace is sick.
he went from a throw up bug.
(today is the first day
he has not thrown up
in 6 days).
to the croup.
3 hours after he went to bed.
he woke up with
this barky cough.
a sound i recognized
as the croup.
i knew this sound
only because my
always had the croup
when he was young.
we went to the dr yesterday
and she confirmed
what i knew.
so today i have been
wiping yellow snot rockets
rather than stinky throw up.
i am still standing.
but not without some tears.
it is hard to watch your
sick baby and not be able to do anything.
he seems so helpless and sad.
it makes my heart ache.
i just want him to return
to his happy, funny self.
so i can stop worrying.
you see, one of the residual
side effects of losing your child
is that you think that it is going to
cooper's surgeon had a 98% success rate.
we were the small percentage.
i think that i am always
going to live in the land of
i know that chace is going to be fine.
but it is in the dark of night
when i am holding him
trying to coax him back to sleep
when fear replaces rational thought.
when emotion takes over
and the tears fall.
i suppose it will get easier with time.
this is the first time in almost a year
that chace has been sick.
it is not a side effect i enjoy.
but it is a part of life as i know it nonetheless.
so here is to hoping
for a night without fear, worry or tears.
and a few less snot rockets to wipe.
today we took you the strong museum of play to celebrate your 11th month of life. you had a great time. i think you will like it more when you are little older. you were particularly fond of the salt water aquariums that were there. i think that you could have watched the fish for hours. your dad and i loved watching you, watch the fish, trying so hard to figure out how you could touch them.
in this past month you have grown so much. literally, your pants are floods and your long sleeve shirts are more like 3/4 sleeve shirts. you have perfected your crawl at warp speed. you are very efficient at cruising, and are working on your balance. you can say "mama and dada" and understand the word "no". when we tell you "no" you just shake your head and smile. you want to walk and talk, and you are frustrated because you are not quite there yet.
you are an excellent traveller and handled your first ear infection with flying colors. everyone who met you over christmas, was well, smitten with you. your love for all things technologically related has not waned. if you see my iphone, you want it and you think the computer is yours, and yours alone. you are not interested in tv so much. perhaps that is because the only think we let you watch is sports and the news.
you still love to read and are beginning to pick out which books you would like read to you. you almost have 6 teeth. this is helping you out in the food department. you are beginning to eat more "adult" food, however, puffs remain your favorite food and mandarin oranges are a close second.
chace, you are the sweetest baby i know. you love to gives hugs and kisses. i hope you stay this way forever ( although i know you won't).
we have returned to sleepless nights here on newberry lane and it is painful. it started while we were away over the holidays. ph and i were sharing a room with chace, so i do not know if it was being in the same room, in a strange bed or having an ear infection that started the cycle. perhaps it was all three, but in an attempt to allow some of the house sleep we did whatever we could to get him back asleep. my thinking was that it would sort itself out when we got home. we rocked, we slept holding him, we fed him, whatever it took to encourage sleep.
well, we are home and i am here to tell you it has not sorted itself out. it is better, but we are still up at least once a night. doing what? eating of course. i know that "they" say not to feed once your child can sleep through the night. BUT my kid doesn't eat if he is not hungry, and he is scarfing down his bottle. so he must be hungry. i don't have the heart to let him cry it out at 2 am. how can i leave the room when he is sitting in bed, reaching for me through tears and snot, saying "mama, mama, mama" over and over. if i feed him he eats, goes back to bed and sleeps until 7:30 or 8.
it will work itself out, in time and i am sure that he will return to sleeping through the night, only to have that cycle disrupted by a new tooth. i know that this too will pass, but it sure is rough on the parents.